His Tomb Wasn't Empty?

Oh yes it was! TMZ is reporting that they have found legendary rapper Tupac Shakur and that he is alive and well in New Orleans. People are evidently all up in arms about this- 2pac? Alive?

First of all...duh. Of course he's alive! I've been saying this for yeeeeeeaaaars. How many people do you know that can release, like, 10 albums worth of "b sides" after their death? Nobody! Nobody wastes that much time in the studio on shit they aren't going to use- studio time is expensive dawg! This just goes right along with my "He's Alive" theory and it's only a matter of time before we see Aaliyah [that's right, she's alive too. They were star crossed lovers and have been on a deserted island together. Evidently, Pac has escaped].

But heres the thing about the TMZ pictures- it isn't him. Or, at least, I don't think it's him. Now, I'm not exactly the foremost authority on this, except for the fact that I am. I have extensively compared photos of "new 2pac" and "old 2pac". Here's what I've found.

1) The lips don't match.

2) Tupac does not wear button up shirts

3) New Tupac's ears are set too high on the side of his head

4) Tupac doesn't drink Bud Light [me thinks he's more of a Crown kind of guy]

5) Tupac would never take the stud out of his ear but keep a nose ring. That is so emo. And Tupac is NOT emo.

6) Tupac does not hang out in bars with a bunch of white people.

Now, obviously, he might want to be a tad incognito as a person who faked his death, but he's still a gangsta! Pac would never stoop to the levels of Budweiser and JCrew- I just know it. Check out some "new 2pac" vs "old 2pac" photos below and let me know what YOU think [even though we all know I'm right].