www.myspace.com/thecoolkidsThursday, July 31, 2008
Who's House???
It's back! Let the heavens rejoice! The only show I ever skipped class to watch (it was a marathon! I would have skipped a semester if it had lasted that long!).You may notice there is an adorable baby missing from the photo above ( you didn't notice? you've got some catching up to do!). She could be the cutest baby alive, but I do take issue with the fact that they named her Miley (it's not that i dislike Miley Cyrus....i dont at all. I just think one Miley is plenty).
The show airs on Wednesdays at 10PM EST. Enhance your life. Watch it.
No, No, No Ma'am!
I think I speak for all of us when I say When is this bitch going to die?! I mean SERIOUSLY, what is she, some kind of crazy human cat with 9 lives?? Her death seems so imminent that at my office we have taken to places bets about when she is going to die (so you think that seems a little harsh? i think you're just mad that you didn't think of it!).Our first deadline was Memorial Day....she skated through that. Our second deadline was the 4th of July, and she barely made it there, so I'm thinking by Labor Day she's definitely a goner (I'm not sure what it is with the American holidays, but I'm sure there's some irony to be found somewhere in there).
Seriously though, it's extremely sad that this time last year Amy's career this side of the pond was really taking off and Rehab was the song stuck in everybody's head. She was destined to be a legendary singer. Now it seems she is destined to be a legendary singer who died far too soon from drug use.
The people around Amy need to grow a pair and fix this girl up. Look at Britney! She's doing great! I mean, does Britain not do conservatorships???
Amy, we love ya. Get some help. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for us. We don't want to be left wondering how incredible that next album could've been.
Oh is this how I'm supposed to be dressing....?
Dear Jessica Simpson:
Stop trying so hard! You actually have a pretty good voice for country music ( you have a good voice overall, just stop singing through your nose). You don't need to dress like a stereotypical country bumpkin on the cover of one of the nations biggest magazines to try and get people to say "Yeah I guess she could be country". What were you thinking? Stop relying on your looks to sell your records and just sing!
Stop trying so hard! You actually have a pretty good voice for country music ( you have a good voice overall, just stop singing through your nose). You don't need to dress like a stereotypical country bumpkin on the cover of one of the nations biggest magazines to try and get people to say "Yeah I guess she could be country". What were you thinking? Stop relying on your looks to sell your records and just sing!
Dear Elle Magazine:
Did you really think we wouldn't notice? I mean, sure, it's been four years, but we're not stupid! Is this what the magazine is going to be like without Nina Garcia??? I'll start reading Marie Claire, I swear I will. Don't let it happen again!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Gas Prices Down
Thank the Lord! Gas prices have finally begun to fall (in our area at least). The Mapco by my house was around $4.09 a gallon just at the end of last week, today it's at $3.79. I can only hope that they continue to fall. According to what I've read (http://http//money.cnn.com/2008/07/23/news/economy/gasoline/index.htm) gas prices are down because of a decrease in demand. I suppose this is somewhat true ( it's simple economics), but could it also be because car companies are finally beginning to embrace other methods of fuel?
Honda has introduced a new Hydrogen based car the FCX Clarity which can be yours for the low low lease price of $600 a month (for a 3 year lease). Might that have oil companies shaking in their boots in fear that other companies will follow suit?
Let's hope they're right. Well done Honda.
Honda has introduced a new Hydrogen based car the FCX Clarity which can be yours for the low low lease price of $600 a month (for a 3 year lease). Might that have oil companies shaking in their boots in fear that other companies will follow suit?
Let's hope they're right. Well done Honda.
Hair Schmair
It appears our boy John Mayer got a new haircut
Hmmm, this haircut looks familiar. What other dreamy celeb has hosted this hair???
Oh yah.....now I remember......
It was our buddy Brad Pitt--->
What on earth could these two have in common? Wait, let's see........when did Brad have this haircut?
Oh that's right! When he was married to Jennifer Anniston. Oh, and Mayer is dating her now. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.....*cough*.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Ex-Factor
Exes. Dun-dun-dun. We've all got them.
But what we dont all have is the ability to get over them. Why is that? They're clearly an ex for a reason (ex here describing the full scale of exes from those you were head over heels in love with and dated for years to those who you may have casually dated for a short amount of time). The cliche reason that people have exes is because there was an eternally fatal flaw in the relationship but both parties could grow and learn from the experience and ultimately the pain of breaking up would lead to a new relationship with a new person where these flaws wouldn't exist, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah right.
Inevitably, relationships end because someone royally fucked something up probably scarring the other person for good and wasn't a big enough person to apologize for what they did. Rarely are break ups a mutual decision ( but God bless those who can have a mutual break up and continue a friendship). Why is it so hard to apologize when you've hurt someone or knowingly done something shitty. The feelings rarely go away just because you've been injured- the opportunity for a second chance will most likely exist (even if your ex triumphantly states that they dont give second chances- been there).
Why is it even harder to eventually be fully happy in a relationship where none of these problems exist? It's completely non sensical to look back and wonder "what if?" when you should be looking forward with the person you are with and saying "what if...!"
Why is it so easy to convince yourself that your feelings are gone, but can't necessarily keep your stomach from lurching when the ex shows up at a party or is spoken of by mutual friends?
Why is it so easy for the ex to ruin your happiness without even trying?
Why is it so easy to blame it all on them when really we are the only ones standing in the way of our happiness?
But what we dont all have is the ability to get over them. Why is that? They're clearly an ex for a reason (ex here describing the full scale of exes from those you were head over heels in love with and dated for years to those who you may have casually dated for a short amount of time). The cliche reason that people have exes is because there was an eternally fatal flaw in the relationship but both parties could grow and learn from the experience and ultimately the pain of breaking up would lead to a new relationship with a new person where these flaws wouldn't exist, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah right.
Inevitably, relationships end because someone royally fucked something up probably scarring the other person for good and wasn't a big enough person to apologize for what they did. Rarely are break ups a mutual decision ( but God bless those who can have a mutual break up and continue a friendship). Why is it so hard to apologize when you've hurt someone or knowingly done something shitty. The feelings rarely go away just because you've been injured- the opportunity for a second chance will most likely exist (even if your ex triumphantly states that they dont give second chances- been there).
Why is it even harder to eventually be fully happy in a relationship where none of these problems exist? It's completely non sensical to look back and wonder "what if?" when you should be looking forward with the person you are with and saying "what if...!"
Why is it so easy to convince yourself that your feelings are gone, but can't necessarily keep your stomach from lurching when the ex shows up at a party or is spoken of by mutual friends?
Why is it so easy for the ex to ruin your happiness without even trying?
Why is it so easy to blame it all on them when really we are the only ones standing in the way of our happiness?
End this War!
It's easy to go through the motions of our day to day lives and forgot that many of our fellow Americans are overseas fighting a war that, no matter your political stance, should be ended sooner rather than later. It's easy to forget this until one of your own is sent to fight in this war, and then harder to forget than to remember.
Pray for Shawn. Pray for all of them. Pray that we end this war soon.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunburnt in the Summertime
Summertime. Oh, oh, summertime. There is no better time if you ask me. 100 degree weather? Bring it on baby! I can take it! I can especially take it if I'm on a boat on the river. Not the lake, no sir, don't get it twisted, I'm talking about the RIVER. Great boat, great friends, great time!
Now I might be just a pinch sunburnt, but it was worth it for the fun that was had. Going to the river is one of those traditions with my C-town friends (and now Nashville friends, old and new) that I just cannot resist. I decided on Saturday that it probably doesn't matter where you are or what kind of boat you are on, but just being out on the water with the wind in your hair makes a person feel FABULOUS!
Time for shout outs to my girls Stace,Jaq, Mel Jaye along with my new friends Adrien, Kelly, and Weldon............and who could forget Daddy Bob, Keri and Beverly? All of the above rocked my world on Saturday. I can't wait to go back. It makes me feel young! ;)
Now I might be just a pinch sunburnt, but it was worth it for the fun that was had. Going to the river is one of those traditions with my C-town friends (and now Nashville friends, old and new) that I just cannot resist. I decided on Saturday that it probably doesn't matter where you are or what kind of boat you are on, but just being out on the water with the wind in your hair makes a person feel FABULOUS!
Time for shout outs to my girls Stace,Jaq, Mel Jaye along with my new friends Adrien, Kelly, and Weldon............and who could forget Daddy Bob, Keri and Beverly? All of the above rocked my world on Saturday. I can't wait to go back. It makes me feel young! ;)
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Jen and John
John Mayer. Oh, John Mayer. Why do you toy with me so? You keep going from one bad relationship to the next. Know why? Cause you're not with me!
Um.......did I say that outloud?
Anyway, can we discuss why Jennifer Aniston always looks sooooo unhappy when she's got the best guy around?
She's bad news bears John. That girl has got bag-age for sure. She's been trying to race every man she's dated since Brad Pitt to the altar for revenge! And according to OK magazine:
Jen wants a wedding," proclaims OK!, which says the former Mrs. Brad Pitt is "ready to say 'I do'" and posits that she'll have a "sleek and classic" ceremony. "Jen is so in love with John -- they are already talking marriage," a source alleges to the tab. "I would be not be at all surprised to see Jen and John make it legal sooner rather than later. In fact, I would be shocked if they didn't tie the knot before her 40th birthday in February."
Of course she does. Why wouldn't she??? Lock it down before he finds someone better honey. But John.....when things end badly.....don't say I didn't tell you so.
Um.......did I say that outloud?
Anyway, can we discuss why Jennifer Aniston always looks sooooo unhappy when she's got the best guy around?
She's bad news bears John. That girl has got bag-age for sure. She's been trying to race every man she's dated since Brad Pitt to the altar for revenge! And according to OK magazine:
Jen wants a wedding," proclaims OK!, which says the former Mrs. Brad Pitt is "ready to say 'I do'" and posits that she'll have a "sleek and classic" ceremony. "Jen is so in love with John -- they are already talking marriage," a source alleges to the tab. "I would be not be at all surprised to see Jen and John make it legal sooner rather than later. In fact, I would be shocked if they didn't tie the knot before her 40th birthday in February."
Of course she does. Why wouldn't she??? Lock it down before he finds someone better honey. But John.....when things end badly.....don't say I didn't tell you so.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Music Musings
So last night I went with my fabulous roomie and my dear friend from work to the Exit/In for a long awaited show......Joshua Radin and Vanessa Carlton. We all found it a big strange that Vanessa was actually the opener, but the set up worked. I've enjoyed Joshua's music for over a year now, actually finding him through his former girlfriend Schuyler (pronounced: Skylar) Fisk( http://www.myspace.com/schuylerfisk) -sidenote: she also happened to be to be in the phenominal movie The Babysitters Club-
Back on point, Vanessa opened the show for Joshua (there was an opener for her, but we didn't make it there in time). We got there right after she started playing "White Houses" which I believe was the first single off her second album, both of which didn't do great. The front have of the audience was sitting on the floor Indian style, apparantly in a throw back to Vanessa's days in "Montessori School". She told the audience that she went to Montessori school for 10 years and thats why she has so many problems. haha. I'm not totally familiar with her second album, but yesterday at work I listened to a lot of her new one on Rhapsody. I gotta say, it's really really good. It also must be said that she is even better live. If you ever have a chance to see her, especially in a club setting, do it. Her vocals were superb live, and she is an incredibly gifted piano player (her piano talents remind me in many ways of Tori Amos). She did her job as far as I am concerned......I'm definitely going to hop out and buy at least the newest cd, if not one or both of the older ones.
Back on point, Vanessa opened the show for Joshua (there was an opener for her, but we didn't make it there in time). We got there right after she started playing "White Houses" which I believe was the first single off her second album, both of which didn't do great. The front have of the audience was sitting on the floor Indian style, apparantly in a throw back to Vanessa's days in "Montessori School". She told the audience that she went to Montessori school for 10 years and thats why she has so many problems. haha. I'm not totally familiar with her second album, but yesterday at work I listened to a lot of her new one on Rhapsody. I gotta say, it's really really good. It also must be said that she is even better live. If you ever have a chance to see her, especially in a club setting, do it. Her vocals were superb live, and she is an incredibly gifted piano player (her piano talents remind me in many ways of Tori Amos). She did her job as far as I am concerned......I'm definitely going to hop out and buy at least the newest cd, if not one or both of the older ones.
Check out her new cd Heroes and Thieves here (http://www.amazon.com/Heroes-Thieves-Vanessa-Carlton/dp/B000VKJ6UY/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1216839535&sr=8-1)
And check out her second album Harmonium here (http://www.amazon.com/Harmonium-Vanessa-Carlton/dp/B0002ZYEKA/ref=pd_bbs_sr_4?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1216839322&sr=8-4)
*She played the track Half a Week Before the Winter at the show. Check it out.
After Vanessa's set came our friend Joshua Radin (dreamy as always). He's got a cool little band (himself on accoustic, a keyboard/toy baby grand player [an artist in her own right, check her out here www.myspace.com/laurajansenmusic], a bass player, a drummer, an electric guitar player, and a cellist........with the electric player occasionally on mandolin). His songs are very personal and very in depth.......something i enjoy.....but what i dont necessarily need to know is how he was having dreams that his ex cheated on him and then they broke up and she broke his heart and then he wrote this song......i mean, i like knowing the back story behind songs, but not if it involves speaking unkindly of someone (it might be different if his fans didn't know who his ex was, but i feel like most do.....in fact, someone shoulted her name to him last night). His music and set are incredible, but not for the downhearted.....you might commit suicide afterwards even if you're just a tinge sad. For happy people, it's likely to bring you down to an introspective contemplative state, and let's be honest, that's usually not a bad thing.
Watch for Joshua's new album which is out the end of August (and features the lovely Ptty Griffin on the song You've Got Growing Up to Do, a song that you can currently listen to on his myspace minus Patty)
Check out his first full length album We Were Here (one of my favs is Starmile) at http://www.amazon.com/We-Were-Here-Joshua-Radin/dp/B000F4MLZ8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1216840082&sr=1-1.
Or check them out on the road! (www.joshuaradin.tickets.musictoday.com)
Peace, Love, and Good Music!
-Lela
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
You So Ugly!
For those of you who are dealing with a case of the uglies, we've got the right product for you!
It's the Ugly Bag!
This ugly bag is guaranteed to cure ugliness. Directions: Open bag and place over head of ugly person with face side facing forward. Instantly creates beauty where there is none.Note: For extra ugly persons, two bags may be necessary in case one breaks.
Get yours today!
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Dark Knight
Those of you who know me know that I have been ANXIOUSLY awaiting the new Batman movie, cleverly titled the Dark Knight. It's not that I've always been big into Batman ( of course I grew up with him, my brother loved him, and we used to always watch the old school Adam West batman on Nick at Nite as well as the animated series), but more so that I'm just a fan of movies. I really, really enjoyed Batman Begins but I don't think my anticipation for this movie stemmed from the fact that it was the sequel.....moreso, it just looked like an awesome movie from the beginning.
Let me tell you-it did NOT dissapoint. I figure that most of you who were excited about this movie have probably already seen it, but I will keep any spoilers from this post. The Dark Knight was really everything that you could expect it to be. Creepy, sexy, funny, exciting (boy was it exciting!)......you name the adjective, it probably fits. The movie starts with an instense bank robbing scene (those of you who saw I Am Legend in IMAX know the one I'm talking about) and builds and builds from there.
The acting was incredible. And this is the kind of movie where you kind of feel obligated to compliment Heath Ledger because he's dead now and this was his last movie, but really and truly he was the best Joker EVER. He was more than I expected to be........creepy, yes, but also quite funny in an unexpected way. I'm not sure how they could ever bring the Joker back (assuming Christopher Nolan continues the Batman franchise) because I don't believe that anyone could top this performance. There is already Oscar buzz zooming around Heath Ledger's name......I find him to be very worthy (the film as a whole is. If freakin Juno could be nominated for Best Picture than this movie better rack up........acting, special effects, music......it's got the whole package)
Christian Bale......what can we say about Christian Bale? How about he's the best Batman ever??? Man, you have NEVER wanted a masked crusader to invade your bedroom more than Christian Bale. Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal...............the acting just does not get any better than this.
I was incredibly fortunate to be able to see a screener in IMAX on Wednesday night (shout out to Evan!) and then also saw it again on Saturday in a normal theatre. If you don't have an IMAX near you the movie is nearly just as good in a regular theatre. If you DO have an IMAX I'd recommend seeing it there. The differences are very subtle, and I could really only guess about which scenes were filmed with an IMAX camera (its not very obvious), but the picture size and quality as well as the sound quality in IMAX really enhance the film.
Bottom Line: Go see this movie. Even if you dont like Batman, go see this movie. I haven't heard from one person who didn't like it. And if you dont like it......I'm not sure we can be friends.
You think I'm joking....
Consumer Report
Just a warning for the fellas....this post might not be for you (unless you're curious about the product below). ;)
This weekend whilst perusing the aisles of Target ( as i like to do), I was looking for some new razor blades and came across the new Nair Shower Power. Now I haven't used Nair on my legs probably since I was in middle school (mostly because it didn't work), but this product intrigued me. Put it on and leave it on while in the shower, and it does all the work for you? Plus you wont have to shave as often??? Count me in!So I buy the stuff (along with my razors....just in case!) and pay 5.99 for it (the same product made by Veet was a dollar more). I get home and prepare myself to never have to shave my legs again. You have to put the product on (with a sponge that is included) and let it sit for at least two minutes before getting in the shower. Also, DON'T RUB IT IN! Apparantly that part is pretty important. I will say that I could already feel a burning tingle before I even got in the shower.
So I'm in the shower, I'm doin my thing, and I'm thinking "I should probably wash this off soon" (evidently it's also quite important that you not leave it on for more than 10 minutes). So I start washing off in a circular motion with the sponge aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...........................nothing. I could barely tell the difference. So of course I had to go back and reshave my legs. BUMMER! So instead of saving me time this product essentially prolonged the showering process. Grrrrrrrr.
I will say this for the product.........my legs did seem a bit softer so I think it's fairly moisturizing. I also think that if used on an area with denser hair it would probably work better ( i tested it on my arms too and it worked pretty well there). If you're looking for a product to replace shaving, this isn't it. Sorry ladies.
I'm here for you! Got a product you're curious about? Lemme know. Maybe I'll try it out for you!
Hope you all had a great weekend!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Politik.....
So the buzz this week so far has been about the cover of the new issue of The New Yorker which has a caricature of the Obama's with Barack dressed in traditional Muslim garb and Michelle dressed in military garb,"pounding it" with her husband while Osama bin Laden looks on from the wall.
Ok, clearly this photo has gotten a lot of flack because Obama supporters are not happy with the way he has been depicted here. They say it is"tasteless and offensive" and maybe they're right. The New Yorker says that they were making a satirical cartoon of the way the "Right" has depicted Obama. Maybe they're right. I dont know.
What I DO is that this is America. A free country. With a constitutionally protected right to free speech. I also know that if Barack is elected that he's going to get jabs 10x worse than this as the President. His life will be dissected into pieces with each one going under the microscope.
Maybe after 8 years everyone is jaded (or maybe it's not the same thing), but i dont remember anyone getting all pissed off when The New Yorker published this caricature (along with about 20 others) of Bush.
Additionally, last week Rev. Jesse Jackson made some, ahem, unusual statements about Barack Obama ( i believe it was something along the lines of "i want to cut his nuts off".........but i'm paraphrasing). Everyone got all up on his shit and he had to apologize immediately. Now while I have my own theories about this (like it was totally planned) I think it's ridiculous that he had to apologize! Now don't misunderstand................do i think he SHOULD have apologized. Oh sure! What he said was mean and...........weird. But do I think that he should have HAD to apologize? Absolutely not! This is AMERICA!!!! Free speech remember?! When did we get so "politically correct" that no one can say what they mean anymore? Public figures have to analyze every single thing they say for fear of getting fired if they say something wrong. That doesn't sound very free to me.
You cant please everyone EVER with anything that you say. It's just impossible. The New Yorker certainly learned that with this cover. But on the other hand....if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. I really liked Obama, and he totally had my vote, but lately he's been saying some thing and I'm just not so sure anymore. I'm not trying to sway anyone's politcal opinions......not my place nor do i desire it to me. I'm just saying..........
If you're running for President (or if you're going to be in the public eye in any aspect) you have to understand that people are going to say things about you that you dont like/aren't true/dont want people to know, etc. They're going to associate you with people and groups that you dont want to be associated with. They're going to draw cartoons of you that you dont like. You can't take it personally. You HAVE to get over it. Because if you make a big deal about it every time, people are going to start calling you a tittybaby. You also can't pull the race and religion card everytime someone says something you dont like. It's a challenge for you, it truly is. You say your campaign is about change. Then fight for the change instead of complaining about how offensive it is when people fight against it.
I want to love you Barack. It's up to you to make that happen.
midget sex tapes
Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew!!!!!
Ok so I may not be the best judge of this subject because, as you may know, I am somewhat afraid of midgets ( and by somewhat I mean that I once hid in the shoe stock room at JCrew while a midget was in the store). That being said, I dont understand midget sex and i ESPECIALLY dont understand midget sex tapes.
Midgets ( or little people, wee ones, vertically challenged, whatever you like to call them) are people too, so sure they have needs and (gag) desires. And sure, i can understand them being attracted to....er...."big people"? But my confusion comes when the "big people" are attracted to the little people. I just don't get it. And yes folks, this attraction oft times leads to midget sex. Puke!!!! ( i wasn't sure how many exclamation marks that needed to get my point across). It doesn't seem like the anatomy would be quite right in midget/big person sex. Am I wrong about this? It just doesn't seem like it's going to be enjoyable for anyone!
Recently, Mini Me himself had a sex tape leaked. I could be wrong, but I've been told it had two women in it (anybody know? if so, WHY?) That means that not 1 but TWO women were attracted to his little self! Now TMZ has given a lot of coverage to that story and frankly the girl he was dating is good looking! That is even more confusing to me. In that particular case, it's not even the fact that he's small, it's that he's a jerk! You know how it's an unwritten but understood law that people who are unattractive on the outside have to have a good personality in order to make up for it? (That sounds so shallow.........rememeber humor here folks, this is for laughs). Well, Vern must not have gotten that memo. He seems like a douche! A douchey midget! What a combo!
I guess theres a market for midget sex in porn...........if there can be foot fetishes (ewwww) and weird stuff like that, i guess people can like looking at midgets bumpin boots.................but why would you want to do it yourself with them?????
Why, why, why, why, why?!
*Originally posted July8, 2008*
Ok so I may not be the best judge of this subject because, as you may know, I am somewhat afraid of midgets ( and by somewhat I mean that I once hid in the shoe stock room at JCrew while a midget was in the store). That being said, I dont understand midget sex and i ESPECIALLY dont understand midget sex tapes.
Midgets ( or little people, wee ones, vertically challenged, whatever you like to call them) are people too, so sure they have needs and (gag) desires. And sure, i can understand them being attracted to....er...."big people"? But my confusion comes when the "big people" are attracted to the little people. I just don't get it. And yes folks, this attraction oft times leads to midget sex. Puke!!!! ( i wasn't sure how many exclamation marks that needed to get my point across). It doesn't seem like the anatomy would be quite right in midget/big person sex. Am I wrong about this? It just doesn't seem like it's going to be enjoyable for anyone!
Recently, Mini Me himself had a sex tape leaked. I could be wrong, but I've been told it had two women in it (anybody know? if so, WHY?) That means that not 1 but TWO women were attracted to his little self! Now TMZ has given a lot of coverage to that story and frankly the girl he was dating is good looking! That is even more confusing to me. In that particular case, it's not even the fact that he's small, it's that he's a jerk! You know how it's an unwritten but understood law that people who are unattractive on the outside have to have a good personality in order to make up for it? (That sounds so shallow.........rememeber humor here folks, this is for laughs). Well, Vern must not have gotten that memo. He seems like a douche! A douchey midget! What a combo!
I guess theres a market for midget sex in porn...........if there can be foot fetishes (ewwww) and weird stuff like that, i guess people can like looking at midgets bumpin boots.................but why would you want to do it yourself with them?????
Why, why, why, why, why?!
*Originally posted July8, 2008*
Ben Folds in Paste
http://www.pastemagazine.com/action/article/7754/feature/music/catching_up_with_ben_folds
Catching Up With Ben Folds
Writer: Jason Killingsworth
Feature, Published online on 07 Jul 2008 Page 1 of 2
It's a patchwork beast that he yields on stage—now he's plucking your heartstrings with a crooned, tender ballad; now he's slamming the keys and throttling a rock number; now he's irrepressible, accompanying himself rapping out a Top 40 cover. For years now, Ben Folds has perplexed the most nimble of musical minds with his variant takes on piano songwriting, preferring to keep it fresh rather than settle into the deep-set tracks of his key-tickling predecessors.
In the wake of some recent give-it-all festival appearances—and in anticipation of a new album—Paste grabbed a few moments on the phone with the troubadour to chat about the (non-)retirement of "Bitches Ain't Shit," what it was like producing Dresden Doll Amanda Palmer's solo album and how to shame Björk with faux-electronic instruments.
Paste: So where exactly in Europe are you right now?
Ben Folds: I'm in Bokum, Germany.
Paste: How did your Glastonbury set go?
Folds: It was pretty good. The only rain during the festival happened right before our set—it just pissed down rain—and stopped when the set finished. So, uh, that wasn't too cool, but it was pretty good.
Paste: Did you stay true to the oath you made onstage at Bonnaroo and keep [your Dr. Dre cover] "Bitches Ain't Shit" in retirement?
Folds: Oh no, we brought it out of retirement.
Paste: So it's now the Michael Jordan of your live set.
Folds: I mean, I was choked up when we retired "Bitches Ain't Shit" at Bonnaroo, but then to bring it out of retirement like that was somehow even more moving for me. Then it went back into retirement, and then we brought it out again last night. So it's been an emotional roller coaster.
Paste: Why did you retire it to begin with?
Folds: Well, the first time we retired it was actually a few nights before Bonnaroo. I just felt like we had played it enough. And then we were at Bonnaroo and I just looked out on the faces of all the children, and I just thought it wasn't fair that they didn't get to sing that. So, um, I brought it out of retirement for that. And then I felt like, when we played Glastonbury, I didn't want to give the children of America something that I didn't offer to the British kids too.
Paste: Understandable.
Folds: And then it's just sort of—and then it's just one thing leads to another and now we're in Germany and I felt like I need to bring it out too because I didn't want to offend the Germans.
Paste: You need to learn the song in German and actually deliver it in their native language. Folds: Yeah, something about bitches and schlumpa, bitches and schlumpa.
Paste: In addition to these festival gigs, you've been playing a lot with orchestras—basically every orchestra in the country of Australia, the Boston Pops last year, and then you're playing with the Nashville Symphony Orchestra in September. When you were writing this new record, were you ever conscious about how the songs might translate to that context?
Folds: No, not at all. The new record is a very un-orchestral record. It's a fairly lyric-driven rock record. In fact, we've looked at taking a few of the songs on the new record and scoring them for orchestra and it was kind of slim pickins. It takes a certain kind of song with a certain sort of chord movement and voice leading to be conducive to that big of an ensemble. There's a couple that are going to work really well for orchestra, I think, but mostly the record is a rock record.
Paste: The track "Free Coffee" jumped out as being much more electronic than a lot of the previous material you've written.
Folds: You know what's cool about that is that it's an acoustic piano playing the whole thing. It's an acoustic grand piano with lots of Altoids cans taped to the strings. And a distortion pedal. So everything in the beginning—there's no drums at the top or anything, the drums don't come in til the chorus—all that stuff is just the hammers of the piano hitting those boxes taped to the strings, and the distortion pedal.
Paste: If only Björk knew that she could save thousands and thousands of dollars.
Folds: She could bring me and let me just plug my piano in, absolutely.
Paste: With this being election season, are you planning to get political onstage at all?
Folds: I don't think I can sum my politics up as easily as…yeah, no. I mean I don't mind stating my opinion, but I'm not so interested in the basketball-game aspect, I guess.
Paste: On the new record, I was excited to hear Regina Spektor pop up on the track "You Don't Know Me." How did that collaboration come about?
Folds: It was pretty simple. I just got in touch with her. (Laughs) My booking agent is her booking agent. And actually I just produced Amanda Palmer's record, and Amanda and Brian [of the Dresden Dolls] are friends of Regina's too. So I guess I could've done it that way too, but just happened to be talking to my booking agent and she said, "Oh, I'll call her for you." So we just rang her up, and I sent a tape of the song in the form that it was at the moment and she liked it and we did it.
Paste: Given your affinity for hip-hop, it seems sort of appropriate to throw some guest collaborators on the record.
Folds: Yeah, you've got to have one or two.
Paste: What have you not done so far in your career that you'd still like to?
Folds: Um, sell a lot of records—that would be kind of cool.
Let's see... I feel like I've got loads more opportunities than I really have the time to jump at. I was reading through some quote book the other day and someone said something like, "as soon as you stopped wanting something, it happened." A lot of things I've really never thought about doing are presenting themselves, which is great. I just go, "Oh, I'd like to do that, and I'd like to do that." I think when you really shoot for something, that's tougher. So, I don't really have any big aspirations. I just want to say busy and be proud of what I'm doing.
Paste: There does seem to be something to that sort of Zen/Buddhist approach.
Folds: Yeah, which perfect, and that's good. Unless what it is that I'm making is really shitty music and I'm miserable. If that's ever the case, I'll stop being a Buddhist about it.
Paste: Your new record, Way to Normal, is one of the funnier, more irreverent albums you've made in your career. Have there been artists or people in your life that have encouraged you to tone down the cheekiness, grow up and write more conventional songs?
Folds: No, luckily I have a loyal team of yes men. And whatever I say is just the fucking shit. No, no, you know what, that's not true at all. What I do have is a few good friends and people that I work with who are really happy when I'm having a good time with something.
In this record there are a couple of moments that I was nervous about, that I took to my band and friends and producer, and people that were close to me while this record was going on. And I'd say, "God, you know, I think this is fun and good, but I'm leaning towards chickening out." And they all went, "Nah, nah, don't do that, that's great! Just, ah! Do it!" (Laughs) So I think that's good.
Paste: In that vein, did you have any concerns about fans interpreting the track "Bitch Went Nuts" as a cheeky backhand to your ex-wife Frally?
Folds: Oh, no. I mean I would be worried that it would be interpreted that way. But I would have never written something like that or used that word for someone specific. If there's a specific person in that, it's only the basketball-stabbing person, who was someone who stabbed a volleyball belonging to a friend of mine in college. And the idea behind the song—and I think it's in the intro of the song—is that if you ask loads of women what went wrong in a relationship, they're going to give you a variety of answers. But if you ask men, especially at a bar somewhere, and they're gonna go "Uh! Bitch went nuts!" It's really more of a comment on the male perspective than it is on a…yeah, no one ever stabbed a basketball and uh, I would never call someone that I know a "bitch," so there you go.
Paste: Besides the new record are there any additional upcoming projects or happenings in the life of Ben Folds that Paste readers might be interested in?
Folds: Well, I'm excited for people to hear Amanda Palmer's record.
Paste: You produced that one, right?
Folds: Yeah, I put in quite an effort on that. And I think that the songs that we did together on that record are really strong in terms of both her voice and the production. I just think it's a really good record. I'm happy about that and I want to do more of that, some more making, allowing people to sing in the studio, just sing—it's nice.
Paste: Well, it seems like being in Nashville, you're in a great place for that.
Folds: Oh, it's awesome because I've got my studio and they can come into a very comfortable place and we can turn it into a playpen, and figure out how to make a record that's never been made before. And I think I did that both with Shatner and with Amanda. I'm proud of both those records.
Paste: Are there any other artists that you're talking to right now about bringing them into the studio?
Folds: Yeah, but I don't like to speculate on them and mess the whole thing up. But I'm excited about a couple. And they're not going to be predictable at all. People are going to be like "what the fuck is he working on now?" I never want to make a normal record, if possible.
Paste: After Shatner and Weird Al, I think you've pretty much exploded the expectations.
Folds: Yeah, yeah, it needs to stay like that because there just aren't enough records that sound really unique. That's what you want to do is make a record that people haven't heard.
Paste: For you, is that more of a post-production pursuit? Deconstructing the sound?
Folds: No, I think it's in the state of mind that we're all in as we walk in the studio. I mean, I think it's just about going, "what's the real strength of this person?" You know, first of all you need to help an artist get past their self-perceived strength—it's always wrong. You know, they might think "Hey I'm the class clown" or "I'm good looking," or "I'm popular." And you've got to get past that with them. And then it's a matter of finding what that unique thing is that makes their talent just come busting out in a way that is not being done.
Paste: Look forward to hearing it. Thanks for checking in and good luck with the rest of the tour. Folds: Absolutely
Catching Up With Ben Folds
Writer: Jason Killingsworth
Feature, Published online on 07 Jul 2008 Page 1 of 2
It's a patchwork beast that he yields on stage—now he's plucking your heartstrings with a crooned, tender ballad; now he's slamming the keys and throttling a rock number; now he's irrepressible, accompanying himself rapping out a Top 40 cover. For years now, Ben Folds has perplexed the most nimble of musical minds with his variant takes on piano songwriting, preferring to keep it fresh rather than settle into the deep-set tracks of his key-tickling predecessors.
In the wake of some recent give-it-all festival appearances—and in anticipation of a new album—Paste grabbed a few moments on the phone with the troubadour to chat about the (non-)retirement of "Bitches Ain't Shit," what it was like producing Dresden Doll Amanda Palmer's solo album and how to shame Björk with faux-electronic instruments.
Paste: So where exactly in Europe are you right now?
Ben Folds: I'm in Bokum, Germany.
Paste: How did your Glastonbury set go?
Folds: It was pretty good. The only rain during the festival happened right before our set—it just pissed down rain—and stopped when the set finished. So, uh, that wasn't too cool, but it was pretty good.
Paste: Did you stay true to the oath you made onstage at Bonnaroo and keep [your Dr. Dre cover] "Bitches Ain't Shit" in retirement?
Folds: Oh no, we brought it out of retirement.
Paste: So it's now the Michael Jordan of your live set.
Folds: I mean, I was choked up when we retired "Bitches Ain't Shit" at Bonnaroo, but then to bring it out of retirement like that was somehow even more moving for me. Then it went back into retirement, and then we brought it out again last night. So it's been an emotional roller coaster.
Paste: Why did you retire it to begin with?
Folds: Well, the first time we retired it was actually a few nights before Bonnaroo. I just felt like we had played it enough. And then we were at Bonnaroo and I just looked out on the faces of all the children, and I just thought it wasn't fair that they didn't get to sing that. So, um, I brought it out of retirement for that. And then I felt like, when we played Glastonbury, I didn't want to give the children of America something that I didn't offer to the British kids too.
Paste: Understandable.
Folds: And then it's just sort of—and then it's just one thing leads to another and now we're in Germany and I felt like I need to bring it out too because I didn't want to offend the Germans.
Paste: You need to learn the song in German and actually deliver it in their native language. Folds: Yeah, something about bitches and schlumpa, bitches and schlumpa.
Paste: In addition to these festival gigs, you've been playing a lot with orchestras—basically every orchestra in the country of Australia, the Boston Pops last year, and then you're playing with the Nashville Symphony Orchestra in September. When you were writing this new record, were you ever conscious about how the songs might translate to that context?
Folds: No, not at all. The new record is a very un-orchestral record. It's a fairly lyric-driven rock record. In fact, we've looked at taking a few of the songs on the new record and scoring them for orchestra and it was kind of slim pickins. It takes a certain kind of song with a certain sort of chord movement and voice leading to be conducive to that big of an ensemble. There's a couple that are going to work really well for orchestra, I think, but mostly the record is a rock record.
Paste: The track "Free Coffee" jumped out as being much more electronic than a lot of the previous material you've written.
Folds: You know what's cool about that is that it's an acoustic piano playing the whole thing. It's an acoustic grand piano with lots of Altoids cans taped to the strings. And a distortion pedal. So everything in the beginning—there's no drums at the top or anything, the drums don't come in til the chorus—all that stuff is just the hammers of the piano hitting those boxes taped to the strings, and the distortion pedal.
Paste: If only Björk knew that she could save thousands and thousands of dollars.
Folds: She could bring me and let me just plug my piano in, absolutely.
Paste: With this being election season, are you planning to get political onstage at all?
Folds: I don't think I can sum my politics up as easily as…yeah, no. I mean I don't mind stating my opinion, but I'm not so interested in the basketball-game aspect, I guess.
Paste: On the new record, I was excited to hear Regina Spektor pop up on the track "You Don't Know Me." How did that collaboration come about?
Folds: It was pretty simple. I just got in touch with her. (Laughs) My booking agent is her booking agent. And actually I just produced Amanda Palmer's record, and Amanda and Brian [of the Dresden Dolls] are friends of Regina's too. So I guess I could've done it that way too, but just happened to be talking to my booking agent and she said, "Oh, I'll call her for you." So we just rang her up, and I sent a tape of the song in the form that it was at the moment and she liked it and we did it.
Paste: Given your affinity for hip-hop, it seems sort of appropriate to throw some guest collaborators on the record.
Folds: Yeah, you've got to have one or two.
Paste: What have you not done so far in your career that you'd still like to?
Folds: Um, sell a lot of records—that would be kind of cool.
Let's see... I feel like I've got loads more opportunities than I really have the time to jump at. I was reading through some quote book the other day and someone said something like, "as soon as you stopped wanting something, it happened." A lot of things I've really never thought about doing are presenting themselves, which is great. I just go, "Oh, I'd like to do that, and I'd like to do that." I think when you really shoot for something, that's tougher. So, I don't really have any big aspirations. I just want to say busy and be proud of what I'm doing.
Paste: There does seem to be something to that sort of Zen/Buddhist approach.
Folds: Yeah, which perfect, and that's good. Unless what it is that I'm making is really shitty music and I'm miserable. If that's ever the case, I'll stop being a Buddhist about it.
Paste: Your new record, Way to Normal, is one of the funnier, more irreverent albums you've made in your career. Have there been artists or people in your life that have encouraged you to tone down the cheekiness, grow up and write more conventional songs?
Folds: No, luckily I have a loyal team of yes men. And whatever I say is just the fucking shit. No, no, you know what, that's not true at all. What I do have is a few good friends and people that I work with who are really happy when I'm having a good time with something.
In this record there are a couple of moments that I was nervous about, that I took to my band and friends and producer, and people that were close to me while this record was going on. And I'd say, "God, you know, I think this is fun and good, but I'm leaning towards chickening out." And they all went, "Nah, nah, don't do that, that's great! Just, ah! Do it!" (Laughs) So I think that's good.
Paste: In that vein, did you have any concerns about fans interpreting the track "Bitch Went Nuts" as a cheeky backhand to your ex-wife Frally?
Folds: Oh, no. I mean I would be worried that it would be interpreted that way. But I would have never written something like that or used that word for someone specific. If there's a specific person in that, it's only the basketball-stabbing person, who was someone who stabbed a volleyball belonging to a friend of mine in college. And the idea behind the song—and I think it's in the intro of the song—is that if you ask loads of women what went wrong in a relationship, they're going to give you a variety of answers. But if you ask men, especially at a bar somewhere, and they're gonna go "Uh! Bitch went nuts!" It's really more of a comment on the male perspective than it is on a…yeah, no one ever stabbed a basketball and uh, I would never call someone that I know a "bitch," so there you go.
Paste: Besides the new record are there any additional upcoming projects or happenings in the life of Ben Folds that Paste readers might be interested in?
Folds: Well, I'm excited for people to hear Amanda Palmer's record.
Paste: You produced that one, right?
Folds: Yeah, I put in quite an effort on that. And I think that the songs that we did together on that record are really strong in terms of both her voice and the production. I just think it's a really good record. I'm happy about that and I want to do more of that, some more making, allowing people to sing in the studio, just sing—it's nice.
Paste: Well, it seems like being in Nashville, you're in a great place for that.
Folds: Oh, it's awesome because I've got my studio and they can come into a very comfortable place and we can turn it into a playpen, and figure out how to make a record that's never been made before. And I think I did that both with Shatner and with Amanda. I'm proud of both those records.
Paste: Are there any other artists that you're talking to right now about bringing them into the studio?
Folds: Yeah, but I don't like to speculate on them and mess the whole thing up. But I'm excited about a couple. And they're not going to be predictable at all. People are going to be like "what the fuck is he working on now?" I never want to make a normal record, if possible.
Paste: After Shatner and Weird Al, I think you've pretty much exploded the expectations.
Folds: Yeah, yeah, it needs to stay like that because there just aren't enough records that sound really unique. That's what you want to do is make a record that people haven't heard.
Paste: For you, is that more of a post-production pursuit? Deconstructing the sound?
Folds: No, I think it's in the state of mind that we're all in as we walk in the studio. I mean, I think it's just about going, "what's the real strength of this person?" You know, first of all you need to help an artist get past their self-perceived strength—it's always wrong. You know, they might think "Hey I'm the class clown" or "I'm good looking," or "I'm popular." And you've got to get past that with them. And then it's a matter of finding what that unique thing is that makes their talent just come busting out in a way that is not being done.
Paste: Look forward to hearing it. Thanks for checking in and good luck with the rest of the tour. Folds: Absolutely
Transport Yourself Green
It's impossible to go anywhere/listen to anything/watch anything these days without hearing something about going green. You all know I'm a proponant (Meredith and I took our recycling on Saturday...............MAN that felt GOOD! heehee)
My favorite part about "going green", or perhaps just the gas crisis, has been seeing the way that people change how they get around. The other day on the way to work a car pulled in front of me and it was one of those cars that had been converted to run on used grease. You may wonder how I could tell..........it was basically b/c i instantly got a craving for a hamburger and french fries and realized that it was because the car in front of me was emitting an aroma of junk food!! (a la Rob and Big where they go to the hamburger joint to get the leftover french fry grease haha) So good for them for going green! They are just making all the other drivers on the road HUNGRY!
Also there is a girl i see riding up and down music row on her bicycle a lot. She is so adorable. She looks like she came straight out of a "Girls Next Door" catalog circa 1953. She's riding her little bike with a wicker bicycle basket all over the place. I think that's fabulous. Really I do. It's adorable. I just feel for her. I dont know whats in her basket, but I know what would be in mine........a bottle of water (sure)...hair brush...deodorant and a strong perfume. For goodness sakes! It's July in Tennessee! Can you IMAGINE how TERRIBLE you must smell after riding a bicycle everywhere? What if you had to ride across town for a date on your bicycle? Gaaaaah you would smell so bad by the time you got there!
Man. God love them. I'm all for going green, but i'm starting with recycling my glass bottles. For now, I still love my car!
My favorite part about "going green", or perhaps just the gas crisis, has been seeing the way that people change how they get around. The other day on the way to work a car pulled in front of me and it was one of those cars that had been converted to run on used grease. You may wonder how I could tell..........it was basically b/c i instantly got a craving for a hamburger and french fries and realized that it was because the car in front of me was emitting an aroma of junk food!! (a la Rob and Big where they go to the hamburger joint to get the leftover french fry grease haha) So good for them for going green! They are just making all the other drivers on the road HUNGRY!
Also there is a girl i see riding up and down music row on her bicycle a lot. She is so adorable. She looks like she came straight out of a "Girls Next Door" catalog circa 1953. She's riding her little bike with a wicker bicycle basket all over the place. I think that's fabulous. Really I do. It's adorable. I just feel for her. I dont know whats in her basket, but I know what would be in mine........a bottle of water (sure)...hair brush...deodorant and a strong perfume. For goodness sakes! It's July in Tennessee! Can you IMAGINE how TERRIBLE you must smell after riding a bicycle everywhere? What if you had to ride across town for a date on your bicycle? Gaaaaah you would smell so bad by the time you got there!
Man. God love them. I'm all for going green, but i'm starting with recycling my glass bottles. For now, I still love my car!
Kindness...
...is a pretty basic word. But evidently it's a concept that some people just can't grasp a hold of.
And here's the thing: it's IMPOSSIBLE for everyone to be nice all of the time. I know that. It's impossible that you're going to like every person that you come across. It's impossible that every person is going to like you. It's impossible that you'll be able to please all of the people all of the time. But here's the thing..........it all comes down to human decency. Just because so and so might not be your favorite person doesn't mean that you shouldn't treat them with basic human resepct. What gives you the right to be a dick to someone just because you CAN?
Now I know people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying that I am nice to every single person that I might. But I TRY. I am TRYING. I believe that everyone deserves to be respected. I believe that everyone deserves that basic human decency. Am I always kind? Unfortunately, no, but it's a flaw, we all have them, and I'm working on me.
My point is....
Be careful to take notice of those who are around you who genuinely care for you and have your best interests at heart. They're the ones with whom you should pay particular attention to how you speak to them and how you treat them. Not everyone sticks around for abuse. There are other "fish" in the sea, ones who might appreciate this love and loyalty, and you never know when the abused are going to swim off to clearer waters.
I know when I'm doing fish analogies that it's probably time to bring the blog to a close (haha), but remember: what goes around comes around. Next time someone screams at you for no reason dont come crying to me...........it's possible that i'll tell you that you deserved it.
Be Kind to One Another. -L
*Originally posted July 1, 2008*
And here's the thing: it's IMPOSSIBLE for everyone to be nice all of the time. I know that. It's impossible that you're going to like every person that you come across. It's impossible that every person is going to like you. It's impossible that you'll be able to please all of the people all of the time. But here's the thing..........it all comes down to human decency. Just because so and so might not be your favorite person doesn't mean that you shouldn't treat them with basic human resepct. What gives you the right to be a dick to someone just because you CAN?
Now I know people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying that I am nice to every single person that I might. But I TRY. I am TRYING. I believe that everyone deserves to be respected. I believe that everyone deserves that basic human decency. Am I always kind? Unfortunately, no, but it's a flaw, we all have them, and I'm working on me.
My point is....
Be careful to take notice of those who are around you who genuinely care for you and have your best interests at heart. They're the ones with whom you should pay particular attention to how you speak to them and how you treat them. Not everyone sticks around for abuse. There are other "fish" in the sea, ones who might appreciate this love and loyalty, and you never know when the abused are going to swim off to clearer waters.
I know when I'm doing fish analogies that it's probably time to bring the blog to a close (haha), but remember: what goes around comes around. Next time someone screams at you for no reason dont come crying to me...........it's possible that i'll tell you that you deserved it.
Be Kind to One Another. -L
*Originally posted July 1, 2008*
Reliving My Teen Years Through This Article
I'm sure you can all relate to this article. I thought it was so cute and funny! And I found myself jealous that a girl younger than me has had more success than me. :(..........Meh, oh well. Read. Enjoy. Oh! And it looks like 20 ppl read my blog yesterday. Wow! I had no idea that anyone was reading it, much less 20 ppl. Lemme know if you enjoy my rambles.....;)
http://www.newsweek.com/id/142516/page/1
"Hopelessly Devoted"
My teen idols never answered my fan letters, but that doesn't mean writing them was a waste of time
I understand those tween girls who are swooning over the new Jonas Brothers movie. I'm a formerly obsessive teen-idol fan myself. And I started young: I was in third grade when I wrote my first fan letter. It was to Zachary (Zack) Morris, the blond main character of the '90s sitcom "Saved by the Bell." I addressed the note simply to "Zack." I was too young to realize that was only Mark-Paul Gosselaar's character's name. I was certain that each Saturday morning I was watching what would now be considered a reality show.
I don't remember much about the letter, but I do remember that my friend's mother got the address for me. I also remember sneaking into her purse and using her lipstick to plant a kiss on the bottom of my letter, confident that would make it stand out from the rest.
I held tight to the address and wrote to Zack often. After about 10 or so letters, one of my sisters told me that Zack wasn't his real name. I'm not sure which relieved me more--that he wasn't actually dating "Kelly" or that the reason he hadn't written me back was because I had been using the wrong name. After that, I started writing "Dear Mark" at the top of my letters. And still no response. But that didn't stop me.
Through fourth, fifth and sixth grade, I was a mash-note machine. I would practice writing the letter in my diary, making sure I didn't write the same thing twice, and working to get just the right tone. I kept a tally of how many I'd written each of them. After seeing Devon Sawa in the movie "Casper" (1995), I wrote him six times, Jonathan Taylor Thomas 11 times, Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync 12 times, Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys nine times, Joey Lawrence nine times and, after "Titanic" in sixth grade, I stopped keeping track of my Leo DiCaprio love letters after 14.
I may have been devoted, but I wasn't exactly the typical fan. I would just tell them about my day, or tell them about a magazine cover they did that I liked. Sometimes, I would just ask them questions. In June 1996, I wrote Devon Sawa and said, "I really love my fifth grade teacher Ms. Allen. I've learned so much, and she's just so nice. But what I'm really into these days is the Spice Girls. Do you like them? Who's your favorite? My favorite is Ginger."
In February 1990, I wrote this to Leonardo DiCaprio: "After watching Titanic I've been trying to rent other movies you've been in. I could be wrong, but I really think you are a really talented actor. I have a feeling you're going to be really famous still even when I'm old." All the i's were dotted with hearts. I never mentioned having crushes on them. I never went into any of that. But at the end of every letter, I would always say, "Please write back as soon as you can!" They never did.
Writing all of these letters got pretty pricey. I remember during the summer between fifth and sixth grade I started to feel guilty for all the postage my parents were paying for. So, I set up a lemonade stand on the country road where we lived in Beverly, Ohio. There wasn't exactly a lot of traffic, so I didn't get many customers. And by not many, I mean no one other than my parents and siblings, which defeated the purpose. So I set up camp outside of my grandparents' home in town. When people would ask what I was trying to raise money for, I would simply say, "love." That seemed to win over the neighbors, who bought a cup of lemonade with a chuckle and a wink.
I soon decided that if I had nicer stationary or cooler stickers, maybe the objects of my affection would start writing back. So I started selling clothes and shoes in yard sales in an attempt to scrounge up enough for glittery gel pens and shimmering stickers. I don't remember asking my parents to pay for any of this, although I'm sure they would have. I was independent in that sense, and I was certain my hard work would pay off. Sadly, many lemons and a much diminished wardrobe later, I still wasn't having any luck eliciting a reply--not even a form letter.
At some point during my preteen fan years, the journalist in me began to emerge. I wasn't just writing to Jonathan or Justin or Brian about how I liked their song or how much their movies made me laugh. I was doing research. I would spend my hard-earned Internet privileges at school learning everything about my crushes and reading any teen magazine I could get my hands on. I started to write to them about what we had in common. "Justin, I read you love red Starbursts. So do I!" or "JTT I love my family more than anything, too!" But nothing worked; even when I put postage on a return envelope with my address.
One crush in particular frustrated me the most. I was watching "The Sandlot" (the 1993 movie about young baseball players, for those of you who might have missed it) and I absolutely fell for Mike Vitar, who played Rodriguez. He was the best baseball player in town and befriended the lonely new kid. I wrote him more than anyone I'd ever written before. I loved baseball and, growing up in Ohio, I was also a huge Cleveland Indians fan. I wrote him letters and letters all about baseball. I was especially disappointed with this one because of all the guys I'd written, he was the least famous. I thought since he was less known, he surely received less fan mail, and would be more likely to respond. No such luck.
And then, I stopped. I was 12 years old. During junior high and even a little bit of high school, some friends were just starting their fan-mail days. And soon, a lot of them started writing e-mails. I stayed away from it, though, vowing that my fan-letter-writing days were over. I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment again. Besides, by then I was busy having crushes on boys that were in my life, not just on my TV set.
But a new crush emerged during my junior year of college: Pat Monahan, the lead singer of Train. At this point, I'd racked up some confidence--my English teachers, both high school and college, told me I was a talented writer. With these compliments in mind, I thought that this fan letter would be different. It would be so powerful, there was no way Pat could ignore it.
It seemed a little ridiculous to be writing to a singer at the age of 21. Yet after going to five of his concerts in one year, and listening to his CD daily, I caved and wrote another fan letter. The subject matter was a little more serious. It delved into how the lyrics of his songs had changed my life and how extremely grateful I was for that. It was short, about a page, and only took about 20 minutes to write. Before I could talk myself out of it , I mailed the letter. It's been about a year, and you guessed it, I haven't gotten a response from Pat.
Strangely enough, I wasn't that sad that none of my crushes wrote back. Back then I just kept trying. I never lost faith that one day one of them would answer. Of course, in hindsight, it does seem odd that these young stars didn't have someone on staff to deal with letters like mine. I wonder if things have changed since I was a kid. Is someone writing back to all those young girls who are pouring their hearts out to stars like Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers?
It turns out that just collecting the mail for a hugely popular group like the Jonas Brothers is a Herculean task. A spokesperson for the band's label, Hollywood Records, says they get upward of 5,000 pieces of mail each week, including letters and elaborate arts-and-craft projects. Most of it is shipped to wherever the band is touring, but the label would not divulge how much the boys read and whether they respond.
That might mean there are still lots of girls waiting in vain by their mailboxes. I'd like to tell them that in the long run, getting a response may not be as important as writing in the first place. At least it wasn't for me. I think that if any of my crushes had sent some kind of perfunctory pre-printed note, I might have stopped dreaming up new ways to get their attention. And maybe I wouldn't have written those long chatty letters about my day, or spent all that time revising them in my journal. Looking back, I can see that composing those letters was a big part of my decision to become a writer. Sometimes I even think I should write them to thank them for ignoring me. Of course, that might start the cycle all over again.
*originally posted June 25, 2008*
http://www.newsweek.com/id/142516/page/1
"Hopelessly Devoted"
My teen idols never answered my fan letters, but that doesn't mean writing them was a waste of time
I understand those tween girls who are swooning over the new Jonas Brothers movie. I'm a formerly obsessive teen-idol fan myself. And I started young: I was in third grade when I wrote my first fan letter. It was to Zachary (Zack) Morris, the blond main character of the '90s sitcom "Saved by the Bell." I addressed the note simply to "Zack." I was too young to realize that was only Mark-Paul Gosselaar's character's name. I was certain that each Saturday morning I was watching what would now be considered a reality show.
I don't remember much about the letter, but I do remember that my friend's mother got the address for me. I also remember sneaking into her purse and using her lipstick to plant a kiss on the bottom of my letter, confident that would make it stand out from the rest.
I held tight to the address and wrote to Zack often. After about 10 or so letters, one of my sisters told me that Zack wasn't his real name. I'm not sure which relieved me more--that he wasn't actually dating "Kelly" or that the reason he hadn't written me back was because I had been using the wrong name. After that, I started writing "Dear Mark" at the top of my letters. And still no response. But that didn't stop me.
Through fourth, fifth and sixth grade, I was a mash-note machine. I would practice writing the letter in my diary, making sure I didn't write the same thing twice, and working to get just the right tone. I kept a tally of how many I'd written each of them. After seeing Devon Sawa in the movie "Casper" (1995), I wrote him six times, Jonathan Taylor Thomas 11 times, Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync 12 times, Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys nine times, Joey Lawrence nine times and, after "Titanic" in sixth grade, I stopped keeping track of my Leo DiCaprio love letters after 14.
I may have been devoted, but I wasn't exactly the typical fan. I would just tell them about my day, or tell them about a magazine cover they did that I liked. Sometimes, I would just ask them questions. In June 1996, I wrote Devon Sawa and said, "I really love my fifth grade teacher Ms. Allen. I've learned so much, and she's just so nice. But what I'm really into these days is the Spice Girls. Do you like them? Who's your favorite? My favorite is Ginger."
In February 1990, I wrote this to Leonardo DiCaprio: "After watching Titanic I've been trying to rent other movies you've been in. I could be wrong, but I really think you are a really talented actor. I have a feeling you're going to be really famous still even when I'm old." All the i's were dotted with hearts. I never mentioned having crushes on them. I never went into any of that. But at the end of every letter, I would always say, "Please write back as soon as you can!" They never did.
Writing all of these letters got pretty pricey. I remember during the summer between fifth and sixth grade I started to feel guilty for all the postage my parents were paying for. So, I set up a lemonade stand on the country road where we lived in Beverly, Ohio. There wasn't exactly a lot of traffic, so I didn't get many customers. And by not many, I mean no one other than my parents and siblings, which defeated the purpose. So I set up camp outside of my grandparents' home in town. When people would ask what I was trying to raise money for, I would simply say, "love." That seemed to win over the neighbors, who bought a cup of lemonade with a chuckle and a wink.
I soon decided that if I had nicer stationary or cooler stickers, maybe the objects of my affection would start writing back. So I started selling clothes and shoes in yard sales in an attempt to scrounge up enough for glittery gel pens and shimmering stickers. I don't remember asking my parents to pay for any of this, although I'm sure they would have. I was independent in that sense, and I was certain my hard work would pay off. Sadly, many lemons and a much diminished wardrobe later, I still wasn't having any luck eliciting a reply--not even a form letter.
At some point during my preteen fan years, the journalist in me began to emerge. I wasn't just writing to Jonathan or Justin or Brian about how I liked their song or how much their movies made me laugh. I was doing research. I would spend my hard-earned Internet privileges at school learning everything about my crushes and reading any teen magazine I could get my hands on. I started to write to them about what we had in common. "Justin, I read you love red Starbursts. So do I!" or "JTT I love my family more than anything, too!" But nothing worked; even when I put postage on a return envelope with my address.
One crush in particular frustrated me the most. I was watching "The Sandlot" (the 1993 movie about young baseball players, for those of you who might have missed it) and I absolutely fell for Mike Vitar, who played Rodriguez. He was the best baseball player in town and befriended the lonely new kid. I wrote him more than anyone I'd ever written before. I loved baseball and, growing up in Ohio, I was also a huge Cleveland Indians fan. I wrote him letters and letters all about baseball. I was especially disappointed with this one because of all the guys I'd written, he was the least famous. I thought since he was less known, he surely received less fan mail, and would be more likely to respond. No such luck.
And then, I stopped. I was 12 years old. During junior high and even a little bit of high school, some friends were just starting their fan-mail days. And soon, a lot of them started writing e-mails. I stayed away from it, though, vowing that my fan-letter-writing days were over. I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment again. Besides, by then I was busy having crushes on boys that were in my life, not just on my TV set.
But a new crush emerged during my junior year of college: Pat Monahan, the lead singer of Train. At this point, I'd racked up some confidence--my English teachers, both high school and college, told me I was a talented writer. With these compliments in mind, I thought that this fan letter would be different. It would be so powerful, there was no way Pat could ignore it.
It seemed a little ridiculous to be writing to a singer at the age of 21. Yet after going to five of his concerts in one year, and listening to his CD daily, I caved and wrote another fan letter. The subject matter was a little more serious. It delved into how the lyrics of his songs had changed my life and how extremely grateful I was for that. It was short, about a page, and only took about 20 minutes to write. Before I could talk myself out of it , I mailed the letter. It's been about a year, and you guessed it, I haven't gotten a response from Pat.
Strangely enough, I wasn't that sad that none of my crushes wrote back. Back then I just kept trying. I never lost faith that one day one of them would answer. Of course, in hindsight, it does seem odd that these young stars didn't have someone on staff to deal with letters like mine. I wonder if things have changed since I was a kid. Is someone writing back to all those young girls who are pouring their hearts out to stars like Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers?
It turns out that just collecting the mail for a hugely popular group like the Jonas Brothers is a Herculean task. A spokesperson for the band's label, Hollywood Records, says they get upward of 5,000 pieces of mail each week, including letters and elaborate arts-and-craft projects. Most of it is shipped to wherever the band is touring, but the label would not divulge how much the boys read and whether they respond.
That might mean there are still lots of girls waiting in vain by their mailboxes. I'd like to tell them that in the long run, getting a response may not be as important as writing in the first place. At least it wasn't for me. I think that if any of my crushes had sent some kind of perfunctory pre-printed note, I might have stopped dreaming up new ways to get their attention. And maybe I wouldn't have written those long chatty letters about my day, or spent all that time revising them in my journal. Looking back, I can see that composing those letters was a big part of my decision to become a writer. Sometimes I even think I should write them to thank them for ignoring me. Of course, that might start the cycle all over again.
*originally posted June 25, 2008*
What a Tittybaby
Kanye's got a blog, and he's not afraid to use it
The rapper just unleashed this rant about his performance at the Bonnaroo Music Festival, where angry fans started throwing stuff on stage after he went on late - very very late.
Says Kanye:
"I am sick of negative people who just sit around trying 2 plot my downfall… Why???? I understand if people don't like me because I like me or if people think tight clothes look gay or people say I run my mouth to much, But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I've ever had in my life. This is the most offended I've ever been… this is the maddest I ever will be. I'm typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!! Call me any name you want…. arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, racist, metro, fag whatever you can think of…. BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! THIS SHOWS NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THERE TO LIE ABOUT YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN! LIKE ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />WAYNE SAYS PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME DOWN CAUSE I'M FLYING! I'M FUCKING HURT BY THIS ONE. ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE THE FANS. JUST SAY THIS OUT LOUD IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, "KANYE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE." CAN ANYONE HONESTLY SAY THAT ????????? HAS ANYONE EVEN TAKEN THE TIME TO AT LEAST DO THE MATH??? BONNAROO SHOULD HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT IN MY DEFENSE BUT SINCE THEY HAVEN'T LET'S BREAK DOWN THE WALLS ON THIS TRUMAN SHOW AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY OCCURRED!!! FOR OVER A MONTH WE WENT BACK AND FORTH ON WETHER OR NOT WE COULD EVEN FIT MY STAGE AT THE FESTIVAL. ONE DAY THEY WOULD SAY YES… WE'D SEND THEM OUR SPECS THEN THEY THEY'D SAY OK… THEN THEY WOULD SEND SPECS BACK THAT DIDN'T FIT THE STAGE. WE WERE OBVIOUSLY DEALING WITH FUCKING IDIOTS WHO DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REALLY PUT ON THIS SHOW PROPERLY. THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE … I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS! MY PEOPLE WORKED OUT A COMPROMISED STAGE PLOT AND A 3AM TIME SLOT AND I AGREED. FAST FOWARD TO THE DAY OF THE SHOW. MY PRODUCTION MANAGER TRIED TO LOAD IN FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE I WENT ON STAGE BUT THE FESTIVAL WOULDN'T ALLOW US TO DO ANYTHING UNTILL PEARL JAM LEFT THE STAGE. PEARL JAM ENDED ONE HOURLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT THAT POINT WE'RE RACING AGAINST THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT 4:20AM DON COMES BACK 2 THE BUS AND TELLS ME, " IT WOULD TAKE 45 MORE MINUTES TO PUT ALL YOUR PYRO IN!" I SAY I HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE . I HIT THE STAGE AND PEOPLE HAD BEEN THROWING SHIT ON THE STAGE AND HAD ACTUALLY HIT THE JANE SCREEN WITH, I GUESS BOTTLES OR SOMETHING AND HAD BROKEN MY FUCKING SCREEN. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A SHORTY AND WATER WOULD HIT THE TV?????? WHEN I GOT 2 "THROUGH THE WIRE" I STEPPED ON THE FRONT PART OF MY STAGE AND THERE WAS SO MUCH LIQUID ON THE STAGE I COULDN'T MOVE WITHOUT SLIPPING. I HAD TO ADJUST MY WHOLE PERFORMANCE STYLE BECAUSE OF IT. A FEW MORE SONGS IN AND THE SONG WAS ON IT'S WAY UP.. I CUT A FEW SONGS FROM THE SET BECAUSE I WANTED PEOPLE 2 EXPERIENCE STRONGER WHILE THERE WAS STILL SOME DARKNESS TO PERFORM IT IN. I'VE STRUGGLED WITH STRONGER FROM IT'S CONCEPTION. REMEMBER LAST SUMMER WHEN I CANCELED SOME TV APPEARANCES. IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO PERFORM STRONGER IN THE DAYTIME. ANYONE WHO CAME TO THE GLOW TOUR CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE IT PROPERLY. IT BROKE MY HEART THAT I COULDN'T GIVE THESE FANS STRONGER IN IT'S GREATEST FORM… BY THE TIME I GOT TO STRONGER IT WAS DAYTIME AND IT BROKE MY HEART. I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY 2 GIVE THE PERFORMANCE I WANTED TO. I'M SORRY… SOMETIMES I GO 2, 3 DAYS W/O SLEEP WORKING ON MY PERFORMANCE… I HAVE TO ICE MY KNEES AFTER EVERY SHOW AND THEY HURT WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE AIRPORT… HAVING AN EXPENSIVE STAGE CUTS MY PAYDAY IN HALF… CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL!!!"
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8c85a2c3cd
(and a snippet about Kanye from my Bonnaroo blog.......consolidation people, consolidation)
Bonnaroo and things of such...
Ok as we all know this past weekend was Bonnarro. Let's go over the highlights...
Thursday night-
Saw MGMT......they were awesome. Really couldn't have been better. They made a few comments about how they were out of tune b/c of the humidity but really, no one cared. they were great.
Saw 2 ppl having sex right in front of me on the dancefloor of the disco (not the silent one). that was interesting (and hard to not watch). it was also very creative.
Saw Vampire Weekend. I think they were a bit dissapointing for all. Everyone in our camp was pretty stoked to see them, but we were all left wanting more. They didn't suck by any means........they just weren't great.
Friday- Didn't get to go but heard i missed some awesome music. Hope M.I.A isn't really retiring!
Saturday-
Didn't catch much at all Saturday morning b/c i was running my little tushy off but heard Sharon Jones and the Dapp Kings and was very impressed.
Saw (obviously) Ben Folds set which was reeeeaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy great.....but I'm a bit biased. If you're a fan of Bitches Ain't Shit then I hope you were there b/c he retired the song on Saturday.
Saw the Olsen twins. Not performing. Going into the food tent (weird right? pretty sure they dont eat....). They had quite the entourage with them.
Heard most of Jack Johnson ( i was too busy eating free food and drinking free drinks to be bothered with going over to his stage...). He sounded fine. I personally am not a huge fan but i get that his music is chill. I did find it funny that from where I was the bass line was the clearest thing, and it hardly changed (if at all) throughout his entire set.
Saw Pearl Jam. Now I am not a huge Pearl Jam fan. Not that I dont like them, I"m just not one of those people who have all their albums and have been a crazy fan since the beginning of time. But they were good! I dug it.
Saw Sigur Ros. They were incredible! Now granted I wish they had been a bit earlier in the day b/c at this point I had been awake for something like 18 hours and was very sleepy......and they are very chill, so i was fighting with my eyelids for a lot of the show. But if you ever get the chance to see them live, do it. It's pretty great.
Here comes the good part. TRIED to see Kanye. I've seen Kanye like 4 times. I think his music is spectacular, but i think he's a dick at life. He has no respect for anyone's time but his own......he proved that the last time i saw him when he went on an hour and a half late. he proved it again on Saturday when he went on nearly 2 hours after he was supposed to!!!! granted this was no 6pm show that didn't happen til 8........he went on at 4 fucking 30! for a light show! at the crack of dawn! we had to peace out at 3 30. we just couldn't stay and wait for him to potentially not go on at all. now some may say, hey it wasn't totally his fault, pearl jam went over, they didn't have his stage set up, etc etc, blah blah blah. i call bullshit on that excuse. Kanye didn't have to bring his stage set up that is designed for an ARENA! it's a FESTIVAL!!! the whole point is for everything to be bare boned. He was originally supposed to play right after ben folds in the 8 something slot.........he waited until the week before Bonnaroo to throw a bitch fit and decide he HAD to close and on the MAIN stage.
ugh. whatever. it enrages me so much i can't even write about it anymore. kanye is brilliant. everyone knows it. the problem is that he knows it to, and he is BEYOND egotistical. he's nearly a maniac. i would hate to see him lose his fans b/c he can't keep track of time. Kanye. Don't be an ass.
*Originally posted sometine in June 2008*
The rapper just unleashed this rant about his performance at the Bonnaroo Music Festival, where angry fans started throwing stuff on stage after he went on late - very very late.
Says Kanye:
"I am sick of negative people who just sit around trying 2 plot my downfall… Why???? I understand if people don't like me because I like me or if people think tight clothes look gay or people say I run my mouth to much, But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I've ever had in my life. This is the most offended I've ever been… this is the maddest I ever will be. I'm typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!! Call me any name you want…. arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, racist, metro, fag whatever you can think of…. BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! THIS SHOWS NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THERE TO LIE ABOUT YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN! LIKE ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />WAYNE SAYS PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME DOWN CAUSE I'M FLYING! I'M FUCKING HURT BY THIS ONE. ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE THE FANS. JUST SAY THIS OUT LOUD IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, "KANYE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE." CAN ANYONE HONESTLY SAY THAT ????????? HAS ANYONE EVEN TAKEN THE TIME TO AT LEAST DO THE MATH??? BONNAROO SHOULD HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT IN MY DEFENSE BUT SINCE THEY HAVEN'T LET'S BREAK DOWN THE WALLS ON THIS TRUMAN SHOW AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY OCCURRED!!! FOR OVER A MONTH WE WENT BACK AND FORTH ON WETHER OR NOT WE COULD EVEN FIT MY STAGE AT THE FESTIVAL. ONE DAY THEY WOULD SAY YES… WE'D SEND THEM OUR SPECS THEN THEY THEY'D SAY OK… THEN THEY WOULD SEND SPECS BACK THAT DIDN'T FIT THE STAGE. WE WERE OBVIOUSLY DEALING WITH FUCKING IDIOTS WHO DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REALLY PUT ON THIS SHOW PROPERLY. THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE … I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS! MY PEOPLE WORKED OUT A COMPROMISED STAGE PLOT AND A 3AM TIME SLOT AND I AGREED. FAST FOWARD TO THE DAY OF THE SHOW. MY PRODUCTION MANAGER TRIED TO LOAD IN FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE I WENT ON STAGE BUT THE FESTIVAL WOULDN'T ALLOW US TO DO ANYTHING UNTILL PEARL JAM LEFT THE STAGE. PEARL JAM ENDED ONE HOURLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT THAT POINT WE'RE RACING AGAINST THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT 4:20AM DON COMES BACK 2 THE BUS AND TELLS ME, " IT WOULD TAKE 45 MORE MINUTES TO PUT ALL YOUR PYRO IN!" I SAY I HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE . I HIT THE STAGE AND PEOPLE HAD BEEN THROWING SHIT ON THE STAGE AND HAD ACTUALLY HIT THE JANE SCREEN WITH, I GUESS BOTTLES OR SOMETHING AND HAD BROKEN MY FUCKING SCREEN. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A SHORTY AND WATER WOULD HIT THE TV?????? WHEN I GOT 2 "THROUGH THE WIRE" I STEPPED ON THE FRONT PART OF MY STAGE AND THERE WAS SO MUCH LIQUID ON THE STAGE I COULDN'T MOVE WITHOUT SLIPPING. I HAD TO ADJUST MY WHOLE PERFORMANCE STYLE BECAUSE OF IT. A FEW MORE SONGS IN AND THE SONG WAS ON IT'S WAY UP.. I CUT A FEW SONGS FROM THE SET BECAUSE I WANTED PEOPLE 2 EXPERIENCE STRONGER WHILE THERE WAS STILL SOME DARKNESS TO PERFORM IT IN. I'VE STRUGGLED WITH STRONGER FROM IT'S CONCEPTION. REMEMBER LAST SUMMER WHEN I CANCELED SOME TV APPEARANCES. IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO PERFORM STRONGER IN THE DAYTIME. ANYONE WHO CAME TO THE GLOW TOUR CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE IT PROPERLY. IT BROKE MY HEART THAT I COULDN'T GIVE THESE FANS STRONGER IN IT'S GREATEST FORM… BY THE TIME I GOT TO STRONGER IT WAS DAYTIME AND IT BROKE MY HEART. I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY 2 GIVE THE PERFORMANCE I WANTED TO. I'M SORRY… SOMETIMES I GO 2, 3 DAYS W/O SLEEP WORKING ON MY PERFORMANCE… I HAVE TO ICE MY KNEES AFTER EVERY SHOW AND THEY HURT WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE AIRPORT… HAVING AN EXPENSIVE STAGE CUTS MY PAYDAY IN HALF… CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL!!!"
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8c85a2c3cd
(and a snippet about Kanye from my Bonnaroo blog.......consolidation people, consolidation)
Bonnaroo and things of such...
Ok as we all know this past weekend was Bonnarro. Let's go over the highlights...
Thursday night-
Saw MGMT......they were awesome. Really couldn't have been better. They made a few comments about how they were out of tune b/c of the humidity but really, no one cared. they were great.
Saw 2 ppl having sex right in front of me on the dancefloor of the disco (not the silent one). that was interesting (and hard to not watch). it was also very creative.
Saw Vampire Weekend. I think they were a bit dissapointing for all. Everyone in our camp was pretty stoked to see them, but we were all left wanting more. They didn't suck by any means........they just weren't great.
Friday- Didn't get to go but heard i missed some awesome music. Hope M.I.A isn't really retiring!
Saturday-
Didn't catch much at all Saturday morning b/c i was running my little tushy off but heard Sharon Jones and the Dapp Kings and was very impressed.
Saw (obviously) Ben Folds set which was reeeeaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy great.....but I'm a bit biased. If you're a fan of Bitches Ain't Shit then I hope you were there b/c he retired the song on Saturday.
Saw the Olsen twins. Not performing. Going into the food tent (weird right? pretty sure they dont eat....). They had quite the entourage with them.
Heard most of Jack Johnson ( i was too busy eating free food and drinking free drinks to be bothered with going over to his stage...). He sounded fine. I personally am not a huge fan but i get that his music is chill. I did find it funny that from where I was the bass line was the clearest thing, and it hardly changed (if at all) throughout his entire set.
Saw Pearl Jam. Now I am not a huge Pearl Jam fan. Not that I dont like them, I"m just not one of those people who have all their albums and have been a crazy fan since the beginning of time. But they were good! I dug it.
Saw Sigur Ros. They were incredible! Now granted I wish they had been a bit earlier in the day b/c at this point I had been awake for something like 18 hours and was very sleepy......and they are very chill, so i was fighting with my eyelids for a lot of the show. But if you ever get the chance to see them live, do it. It's pretty great.
Here comes the good part. TRIED to see Kanye. I've seen Kanye like 4 times. I think his music is spectacular, but i think he's a dick at life. He has no respect for anyone's time but his own......he proved that the last time i saw him when he went on an hour and a half late. he proved it again on Saturday when he went on nearly 2 hours after he was supposed to!!!! granted this was no 6pm show that didn't happen til 8........he went on at 4 fucking 30! for a light show! at the crack of dawn! we had to peace out at 3 30. we just couldn't stay and wait for him to potentially not go on at all. now some may say, hey it wasn't totally his fault, pearl jam went over, they didn't have his stage set up, etc etc, blah blah blah. i call bullshit on that excuse. Kanye didn't have to bring his stage set up that is designed for an ARENA! it's a FESTIVAL!!! the whole point is for everything to be bare boned. He was originally supposed to play right after ben folds in the 8 something slot.........he waited until the week before Bonnaroo to throw a bitch fit and decide he HAD to close and on the MAIN stage.
ugh. whatever. it enrages me so much i can't even write about it anymore. kanye is brilliant. everyone knows it. the problem is that he knows it to, and he is BEYOND egotistical. he's nearly a maniac. i would hate to see him lose his fans b/c he can't keep track of time. Kanye. Don't be an ass.
*Originally posted sometine in June 2008*
Country Gone Rap???
Let's start this morning off right....with a blog! Grab your cup of coffee, your red bull, or your Diet Doctor Pepper (that's right, I know my readers!) and let's start this morning off right.
So lately there has been a lot of talk about Pop going Country: Jessica Simpson, Jewel, Darius Ruker (sp?) and even a little Rap going Country (Snoop Dogg?!?!).
But no one has really brought any attention to the fact that Country is trying to go Rap ( and no I am not talking about Cowboy Troy...)
Next time you're just chillaxin with not a lot to do, flip over to GAC or CMT and watch a few country music videos. Now it's no surprise that the Country Music Association doesn't have a special awards ceremony for Country Music Videos. Everyone knows that they're pretty much horrible. But have we noticed how many "video girls" the videos are starting to contain??
I'm not sure where the Hillbilly Whore trend began.........perhaps it was with an artist (who shall remain unnamed for certain reasons) who took a rap term describing the bootay and turned it into a surprisingly catchy (and successful) song. I remember some video girls then...........I remember a song about "tequila" and how it makes a girl's.......ahem......."clothes fall off". I halfway remember some semi-whorelacious girls in that video.
But when I REALLY noticed the trend was in a video the other day by a country duo.........not a good one.......who are frankly pretty trashy.......who basically had half naked Playboy models in their videos. Whaaaaaatttttt?!
I get it. You're successful now. You think you're a rock star (ps- you're not!). You think you're a badass (again-not). You like to sing about family values (i doubt you have any) and then you put HOOKERS in your videos! Country music is supposed to be music that the whole family can enjoy. That's not to say there aren't or shouldn't be topical issues (teenage pregnancy, drinking, drugs, and death for example) but geez louise can we try to keep the videos classy?
It's not even the class factor that bothers me I guess........there's not a whole lot of it to be found these days. But I have to say that video girls in rap and pop videos make more sense to me..........b/c they usually belong there! It's not unusal to hear a rap song about "girls in tha club shakin dat thaaang".....in fact, video girls are nearly appropriate!
But not in country music. Ever really. Unless the song is about boootaaaaays. And then MAYBE I can handle it.
Don't be something you're not.
This was a bit of a ramble. Hope it makes some kind of sense.
*Originally posted June 24, 2008*
So lately there has been a lot of talk about Pop going Country: Jessica Simpson, Jewel, Darius Ruker (sp?) and even a little Rap going Country (Snoop Dogg?!?!).
But no one has really brought any attention to the fact that Country is trying to go Rap ( and no I am not talking about Cowboy Troy...)
Next time you're just chillaxin with not a lot to do, flip over to GAC or CMT and watch a few country music videos. Now it's no surprise that the Country Music Association doesn't have a special awards ceremony for Country Music Videos. Everyone knows that they're pretty much horrible. But have we noticed how many "video girls" the videos are starting to contain??
I'm not sure where the Hillbilly Whore trend began.........perhaps it was with an artist (who shall remain unnamed for certain reasons) who took a rap term describing the bootay and turned it into a surprisingly catchy (and successful) song. I remember some video girls then...........I remember a song about "tequila" and how it makes a girl's.......ahem......."clothes fall off". I halfway remember some semi-whorelacious girls in that video.
But when I REALLY noticed the trend was in a video the other day by a country duo.........not a good one.......who are frankly pretty trashy.......who basically had half naked Playboy models in their videos. Whaaaaaatttttt?!
I get it. You're successful now. You think you're a rock star (ps- you're not!). You think you're a badass (again-not). You like to sing about family values (i doubt you have any) and then you put HOOKERS in your videos! Country music is supposed to be music that the whole family can enjoy. That's not to say there aren't or shouldn't be topical issues (teenage pregnancy, drinking, drugs, and death for example) but geez louise can we try to keep the videos classy?
It's not even the class factor that bothers me I guess........there's not a whole lot of it to be found these days. But I have to say that video girls in rap and pop videos make more sense to me..........b/c they usually belong there! It's not unusal to hear a rap song about "girls in tha club shakin dat thaaang".....in fact, video girls are nearly appropriate!
But not in country music. Ever really. Unless the song is about boootaaaaays. And then MAYBE I can handle it.
Don't be something you're not.
This was a bit of a ramble. Hope it makes some kind of sense.
*Originally posted June 24, 2008*
Viva La Vida
Here is my opinion on the new Coldplay album. Go get it. I think it's really good and a DEFINITE step up from X&Y.
Entertaining Things.....
MOVIES
Let's start this off right......with a review of Sex In The City. That's right folks I've already seen it. Let me prefice the review with saying that I am a HUGE fan of the show. Much like my friend Melinda, I became a fan after the show went into syndication............not a lot of HBO watching in my house. That being said, if you love the show you WILL love this movie. There is simply no way that you couldn't.
Now I know the movie has gotten some bad reviews but the only thing I can figure is that these people were not completely familiar with the show and probably felt left out. If you haven't seen the show the movie is probably not going to make a lot of sense to you and you're going to be lost the whole time. So if you're thinking the movie looks intriguing but you've never seen the show, I would recommend waiting for the dvd and watching the entire series while you wait.
The movie did a spectacular job of making the viewer feel like they were a 5th friend in Carrie's circle. I laughed, Melinda cried, there was excitement, nervousness, happiness, sadness...........it was everything I hope it would be. Even the fellas we were with enjoyed it (although I'm sure the nudity helped.......and people, this movie ain't for the kids!). I'm looking for a list to pre-order the dvd. I loved it. Go see it.
INDIANA JONES 4-----------
Ok maybe I've just been in movie mode but I also really liked this movie. It was a touch cheesy in parts but it was an Indiana Jones movie.........thats kind of the point. I thought it was funny and exciting and right in line with other Indy films. Granted.....the aliens were a bit odd ( and that isn't ruining the movie, you know there are aliens in the first 5 mins), but as it was pointed out to me Indiana Jones has done other supernatural things so why not aliens?
If you are a special effects buff you probably aren't going to love this movie. The original Indiana Jones flicks came out in the 80s............since then we've grown quite accustomed to these outrageous special effects. This movie was made in the style of the original movies so there isn't a lot to blow you out of the water. In a nutshell, it's another movie worth paying $9.25 (yes that's how much movies cost now!) to see in the theaters. Go see it
MUSIC
Adele- Listen to her. Love her. Everything a London songstress should be (this girl is no Duffy.......). Imagine if Corinne Bailey Ray and Amy Winehouse had a baby. She might sound something like Adele. Check her out at myspace.com/adelelondon
Kathleen Edwards- Her new cd is called Asking for Flowers......it's pretty much amazing. All of her cds are good. If you're not familiar get that way. She's incredible. A little bit folksy, a little bit country, a little bit rock. A Smashing combo. Check her out at myspace.com/kathleenedwards
Sia- Fun music. Enough said. Myspace.com/siamusic
Also I'm not gonna lie. I'm diggin on the new Scarlett Johansson doing Tom Waits cover album. It's very different. But I like it.
Also watch out for the new Emmylou Harris album because it's SOOOO GOOOOOOOD.
Additionally I need to add that there happen to be two female "pop" singers who are going "country". I've heard both. I support neither.
The end!
*Originally posted May 28, 2008*
Let's start this off right......with a review of Sex In The City. That's right folks I've already seen it. Let me prefice the review with saying that I am a HUGE fan of the show. Much like my friend Melinda, I became a fan after the show went into syndication............not a lot of HBO watching in my house. That being said, if you love the show you WILL love this movie. There is simply no way that you couldn't.
Now I know the movie has gotten some bad reviews but the only thing I can figure is that these people were not completely familiar with the show and probably felt left out. If you haven't seen the show the movie is probably not going to make a lot of sense to you and you're going to be lost the whole time. So if you're thinking the movie looks intriguing but you've never seen the show, I would recommend waiting for the dvd and watching the entire series while you wait.
The movie did a spectacular job of making the viewer feel like they were a 5th friend in Carrie's circle. I laughed, Melinda cried, there was excitement, nervousness, happiness, sadness...........it was everything I hope it would be. Even the fellas we were with enjoyed it (although I'm sure the nudity helped.......and people, this movie ain't for the kids!). I'm looking for a list to pre-order the dvd. I loved it. Go see it.
INDIANA JONES 4-----------
Ok maybe I've just been in movie mode but I also really liked this movie. It was a touch cheesy in parts but it was an Indiana Jones movie.........thats kind of the point. I thought it was funny and exciting and right in line with other Indy films. Granted.....the aliens were a bit odd ( and that isn't ruining the movie, you know there are aliens in the first 5 mins), but as it was pointed out to me Indiana Jones has done other supernatural things so why not aliens?
If you are a special effects buff you probably aren't going to love this movie. The original Indiana Jones flicks came out in the 80s............since then we've grown quite accustomed to these outrageous special effects. This movie was made in the style of the original movies so there isn't a lot to blow you out of the water. In a nutshell, it's another movie worth paying $9.25 (yes that's how much movies cost now!) to see in the theaters. Go see it
MUSIC
Adele- Listen to her. Love her. Everything a London songstress should be (this girl is no Duffy.......). Imagine if Corinne Bailey Ray and Amy Winehouse had a baby. She might sound something like Adele. Check her out at myspace.com/adelelondon
Kathleen Edwards- Her new cd is called Asking for Flowers......it's pretty much amazing. All of her cds are good. If you're not familiar get that way. She's incredible. A little bit folksy, a little bit country, a little bit rock. A Smashing combo. Check her out at myspace.com/kathleenedwards
Sia- Fun music. Enough said. Myspace.com/siamusic
Also I'm not gonna lie. I'm diggin on the new Scarlett Johansson doing Tom Waits cover album. It's very different. But I like it.
Also watch out for the new Emmylou Harris album because it's SOOOO GOOOOOOOD.
Additionally I need to add that there happen to be two female "pop" singers who are going "country". I've heard both. I support neither.
The end!
*Originally posted May 28, 2008*
Seven-year-old goes on joyride
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iprUJeDEXUo
(i couldn't figure out how to post a video in the blog. i'm new to blogger. any suggestions?)
(i couldn't figure out how to post a video in the blog. i'm new to blogger. any suggestions?)
Topical Things...
Topical Things...
So what's the deal with Madonna? Ok sure, she's smokin hot to be as old as she is (gotta be getting close to 75 right?) but does that really mean she needs to trapse around in underpants all the time? Ok, Confessions on a Dancefloor was a dance album, I get it! You need to wear a leotard (that almost shows your vag) and leggings. Sure, I"ll go along with that.
BUT
in your new video ( and song in which you musically corrupt my Justin Timberlake........aka, the song ain't good Madge) you look like a total tramp! you're wearing, what? a nude colored bustier with, if my memory serves, hooker boots? and you and JT are unddressing each other? whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? seriously, madonna, we all know you didn't get that body by doing pilates and yoga and going to the kaballah center. did pilates and yoga give you that black eye? of course not. know what did? surgery! and if you're willing to go into surgery for one thing, you're willing to go in for all (kind of like the once a cheater always a cheater theory). Forget the Miley Cyrus picture, why isn't anyone talking about how Madonna needs to recognize her age?!
But......who could forget the Miley Cyrus pictures? Ok. Listen. So her back is bare..........um, and? you'd see more if she were in a bikini on the beach, but i highly doubt anyone would be up in arms about that. The most scandalous thing about that picture is how her lipstick makes her look like The Joker (areyouserious). People are up in arms because she supposed to be a role model to these little girls...........how many little girls do you know that read Vanity Fair? oh, whats that? zero? yeah, that's what I thought. Brooke Shields did Blue Lagoon when she was 14! The girl was straight up NAAAAAKED in that movie........did anyone forget? And we can't really even call that art, it was more like a B rate film.
Let's be honest, a dummy Miley Cyrus is not (otherwise I doubt she would've made it here by 15). Right now she's a Disney star, but that ship sails pretty quickly the closer you get to 18 and it's not always easy to break yourself out of that mold (hello hilary duff?). If she starts to show a more adult side in Vanity Fair now, then these types of opportunities can only increase which will in turn increase her chance of getting adult roles when the time is right. She's just a kid. Lay off her. Until she starts showing her boobs in Playboy, I think there are greater things that our country needs to worry about.
Oh and Miley, if you're reading, stop apologizing for everything. It makes you seem like a liar, but also, you just dont need to apologize for this.
*Originally Posted April 30, 2008*
So what's the deal with Madonna? Ok sure, she's smokin hot to be as old as she is (gotta be getting close to 75 right?) but does that really mean she needs to trapse around in underpants all the time? Ok, Confessions on a Dancefloor was a dance album, I get it! You need to wear a leotard (that almost shows your vag) and leggings. Sure, I"ll go along with that.
BUT
in your new video ( and song in which you musically corrupt my Justin Timberlake........aka, the song ain't good Madge) you look like a total tramp! you're wearing, what? a nude colored bustier with, if my memory serves, hooker boots? and you and JT are unddressing each other? whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? seriously, madonna, we all know you didn't get that body by doing pilates and yoga and going to the kaballah center. did pilates and yoga give you that black eye? of course not. know what did? surgery! and if you're willing to go into surgery for one thing, you're willing to go in for all (kind of like the once a cheater always a cheater theory). Forget the Miley Cyrus picture, why isn't anyone talking about how Madonna needs to recognize her age?!
But......who could forget the Miley Cyrus pictures? Ok. Listen. So her back is bare..........um, and? you'd see more if she were in a bikini on the beach, but i highly doubt anyone would be up in arms about that. The most scandalous thing about that picture is how her lipstick makes her look like The Joker (areyouserious). People are up in arms because she supposed to be a role model to these little girls...........how many little girls do you know that read Vanity Fair? oh, whats that? zero? yeah, that's what I thought. Brooke Shields did Blue Lagoon when she was 14! The girl was straight up NAAAAAKED in that movie........did anyone forget? And we can't really even call that art, it was more like a B rate film.
Let's be honest, a dummy Miley Cyrus is not (otherwise I doubt she would've made it here by 15). Right now she's a Disney star, but that ship sails pretty quickly the closer you get to 18 and it's not always easy to break yourself out of that mold (hello hilary duff?). If she starts to show a more adult side in Vanity Fair now, then these types of opportunities can only increase which will in turn increase her chance of getting adult roles when the time is right. She's just a kid. Lay off her. Until she starts showing her boobs in Playboy, I think there are greater things that our country needs to worry about.
Oh and Miley, if you're reading, stop apologizing for everything. It makes you seem like a liar, but also, you just dont need to apologize for this.
*Originally Posted April 30, 2008*
Going Green!
My office has just decided to start recycling our aluminum cans. 1 recycled can can run a TV for 4 hours ( that's the energy equivalent to 1/2 a gallon of gas!).
It's totally easy. Just save your cans and when your bin is full, carry them over to the recycling center behind Hillsboro High School. Do your part!
*Originally posted April 28, 2008*
It's totally easy. Just save your cans and when your bin is full, carry them over to the recycling center behind Hillsboro High School. Do your part!
*Originally posted April 28, 2008*
rock this bitch
so i had another weird dream last night....
for some strange reason i was in ben folds band. and i was playing the piano, which obviously makes no sense. and i had no music, everyone just assumed that i knew how to play his ridiculously intricate songs (perhaps i will after i get my piano and am able to play everyday!)
anywho so ben is playing some other instrument, and the audience set up is like the live at myspace broadcast ( if you didn't see it, check out the video on my page) and ben goes to introduce me to the audience before the show and he forgets my name so i'm like "LeeAnn!" and he can't hear me and i'm like "LEEANN!" and he says "what?!" so i start spelling my name to him from across the room ( why are we so far apart?!) in SIGN LANGUAGE. that's right. and in my dream ( and possibly real life) Ben Folds doesn't know sign language. So I looked like a FOOL. and the last i remember is looking down at the keys before the show started and thinking "i am definitely about to fuck this up"
weird right?
*originally posted on November 29.2007*
for some strange reason i was in ben folds band. and i was playing the piano, which obviously makes no sense. and i had no music, everyone just assumed that i knew how to play his ridiculously intricate songs (perhaps i will after i get my piano and am able to play everyday!)
anywho so ben is playing some other instrument, and the audience set up is like the live at myspace broadcast ( if you didn't see it, check out the video on my page) and ben goes to introduce me to the audience before the show and he forgets my name so i'm like "LeeAnn!" and he can't hear me and i'm like "LEEANN!" and he says "what?!" so i start spelling my name to him from across the room ( why are we so far apart?!) in SIGN LANGUAGE. that's right. and in my dream ( and possibly real life) Ben Folds doesn't know sign language. So I looked like a FOOL. and the last i remember is looking down at the keys before the show started and thinking "i am definitely about to fuck this up"
weird right?
*originally posted on November 29.2007*
While reading through a survey that someone else had posted, I came across this question:
37. You're deserted on an island, what do you have with you?
Am I crazy here or is the only logical answer Bear Grylls?! Why on EARTH would you want anyone but him stuck on an island with you? Surviverman you say? Yeah, ok you win. I'll take him too. But if you ever fill out this survey, your answer BETTER be one of those two surviving men. If it isn't......I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.
*Originally posted on February 8, 2008*
Am I crazy here or is the only logical answer Bear Grylls?! Why on EARTH would you want anyone but him stuck on an island with you? Surviverman you say? Yeah, ok you win. I'll take him too. But if you ever fill out this survey, your answer BETTER be one of those two surviving men. If it isn't......I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.
*Originally posted on February 8, 2008*
A few things on my mind...
...Beginning with this morning. I was behind an SUV with a bumper sticker that said "HUMAN KIND. Be Both." which I happen to think is a great quote. BUT they proceeded to have multiple bumper stickers that completely bashed George W. Bush, and one even called him an idiot on it. Now, i think you would have a hard time this day and age finding someone who actually still completely supported George W. Bush ( i certainly don't). Do I think he's an idiot?........yeah pretty much. He's not the brightest crayon in the box for sure, certainly not when it comes to foreign policy and WARS, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to display my opinions about him all over my car! At some point I think there should be at least a smidge of respect for the office of the President........but that's another post. This isn't really about George Bush.....it's about practicing what you preach. If you're going to preach Kindness, or Love, or CoExistence, or whatever, then LIVE IT! Don't contradict yourself on one fender!
Another thing: why are postal workers so disgruntled all the time? We've come up with a few theories in my office, but i'll get to that. All in all, they have pretty good jobs, right? I mean, they work for the government which means they get paid well ( trust me, I know postal workers who are doing a ok for themselves), they get LOTS of holidays, which is awesome, and they get to sort mail, which i personally find to be super fun. Now, reasons why they are possibly disgruntled: Obviously their uniforms leave a bit to be desired, but lots of people have terrible uniforms and are still perfectly friendly (example: the staff at Cracker Barrel). Also, I'm sure there's a constant threat of a package containing a bomb or perhaps a disgruntled former employee shooting up the place, but hey, we've all got work issues. And yes sure, they have to put up with the generally postal uninformed public on a daily basis, but again LOTS of people deal with fools on a daily basis. I have YET to meet a postal worker who was cheery or friendly, nevermind both (especially at the Acklen Post Office in Nashville, can I get an Amen?). Postal workers, hear our cry! Try to smile every now and again?
and lastly (for today).....MINIVANS! They are freaking EVERYWHERE and it is my theory that no one who owns a minivan is actually a good driver. Let me rephrase that: perhaps if you are the owner of a minivan and a Toyota Camry, you drive perfectly in the Camry, but i guarantee the moment you get behind the wheel of that van you are going to be a driving fool! Take notice of the wrecks you see on the side of the road...I'd be willing to bet that at least 80% of these involve minivans. Here's what I propose: Lets take all the minivans ( and their terrible driver owners) and place them all on an island (with no bridges mind you). Then they can all just crash into one another and leave the rest of us alone!
Peace and Love ( and minivan hating)
-L
*Originally posted January 9, 2008*
Another thing: why are postal workers so disgruntled all the time? We've come up with a few theories in my office, but i'll get to that. All in all, they have pretty good jobs, right? I mean, they work for the government which means they get paid well ( trust me, I know postal workers who are doing a ok for themselves), they get LOTS of holidays, which is awesome, and they get to sort mail, which i personally find to be super fun. Now, reasons why they are possibly disgruntled: Obviously their uniforms leave a bit to be desired, but lots of people have terrible uniforms and are still perfectly friendly (example: the staff at Cracker Barrel). Also, I'm sure there's a constant threat of a package containing a bomb or perhaps a disgruntled former employee shooting up the place, but hey, we've all got work issues. And yes sure, they have to put up with the generally postal uninformed public on a daily basis, but again LOTS of people deal with fools on a daily basis. I have YET to meet a postal worker who was cheery or friendly, nevermind both (especially at the Acklen Post Office in Nashville, can I get an Amen?). Postal workers, hear our cry! Try to smile every now and again?
and lastly (for today).....MINIVANS! They are freaking EVERYWHERE and it is my theory that no one who owns a minivan is actually a good driver. Let me rephrase that: perhaps if you are the owner of a minivan and a Toyota Camry, you drive perfectly in the Camry, but i guarantee the moment you get behind the wheel of that van you are going to be a driving fool! Take notice of the wrecks you see on the side of the road...I'd be willing to bet that at least 80% of these involve minivans. Here's what I propose: Lets take all the minivans ( and their terrible driver owners) and place them all on an island (with no bridges mind you). Then they can all just crash into one another and leave the rest of us alone!
Peace and Love ( and minivan hating)
-L
*Originally posted January 9, 2008*
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Save Britney!
Save Britney!
I've decided that Britney Spears going crazy could be the best thing for her career. "Why?" you may ask. Let me tell you: converted fans. Like me. I used to DESPISE Britney Spears but now I'm rooting for a comeback. I'm not sure why(aside from the fact that her new cd is, in fact, pretty dope), but I hope she proves everyone wrong (and I'm even interested in attending a concert if these supposed tour dates are real).
Britney seems to be doing great these past few days. She's got her parents back in her life and she's dancing again, but there's still something about her that seems kind of, well, crazy. You can put the girl on all kinds of meds. They might help but there's really only one thing that can cure her. You all know. Say it with me.......Justin Timberlake.
Yes. I said it. Somebody had to. Justin save Britney! This is our plea, our CRY. Her downfall started after your breakup ( Justin, who cares if she cheated? That's water under the bridge. You cheated on Jessica Biel. And now we've come full circle haven't we Mr. Timberlake?). You obviously still care about her because you are STILL writing sappy love songs about how she wronged you and how you were going to give her your last name, blah blah blah (most recently the song "Rehab" recorded by Rihanna, written by JT....a sampling of lyrics...
"And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame")
Justin, we all know. You still love Britney. and guess what? She still loves you too! Why can't we just make this work. Just think of the world tour you could put together. Dominate!
Justin. Do us all a favor. Do it. Save Britney.
Peace and Love,
Lela
*Originally posted February 18.2008*
I've decided that Britney Spears going crazy could be the best thing for her career. "Why?" you may ask. Let me tell you: converted fans. Like me. I used to DESPISE Britney Spears but now I'm rooting for a comeback. I'm not sure why(aside from the fact that her new cd is, in fact, pretty dope), but I hope she proves everyone wrong (and I'm even interested in attending a concert if these supposed tour dates are real).
Britney seems to be doing great these past few days. She's got her parents back in her life and she's dancing again, but there's still something about her that seems kind of, well, crazy. You can put the girl on all kinds of meds. They might help but there's really only one thing that can cure her. You all know. Say it with me.......Justin Timberlake.
Yes. I said it. Somebody had to. Justin save Britney! This is our plea, our CRY. Her downfall started after your breakup ( Justin, who cares if she cheated? That's water under the bridge. You cheated on Jessica Biel. And now we've come full circle haven't we Mr. Timberlake?). You obviously still care about her because you are STILL writing sappy love songs about how she wronged you and how you were going to give her your last name, blah blah blah (most recently the song "Rehab" recorded by Rihanna, written by JT....a sampling of lyrics...
"And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame")
Justin, we all know. You still love Britney. and guess what? She still loves you too! Why can't we just make this work. Just think of the world tour you could put together. Dominate!
Justin. Do us all a favor. Do it. Save Britney.
Peace and Love,
Lela
*Originally posted February 18.2008*
The Vagina Monologues.....from a different perspective
http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2008/2/19/ode-beautiful-phallus/
By Dan Friesen
Feb. 19, 2008
So, I went to see the Vagina Monologues over the weekend. I have to make one thing explicitly clear right from the beginning: I am all for ending violence against women. I'm also all for ending violence against men. And animals. All in all, I'm not a big fan of violence.
Two things really stood out to me during the show. First, Alicia Smith Jr., our local sex columnist extraordinaire was conspicuous in her absence in the cast. What better way to solidify your sex advice cred than to scream about your vagina on stage? Second, and maybe I'm being a little naive here, there was no time given to the male perspective.
Perhaps the Vagina Monologues isn't exactly the place for that, but I think something must be done. In the name of equality, in the name of giving a voice to the sensitive, non-violent man who loves his penis, I am proud to announce that I am going to be starting a little production of my own: The Penis Monologues. Here is an excerpt from one of the monologues, entitled "Ode To A Beautiful Phallus."
"My penis. My penis is a Native American warrior, hunting bison on the grassy savannah. My penis is a little boy, collecting shells at the seashore, eyes glowing in pure curiosity. My penis is a diving board bouncing wildly after launching Greg Louganis to Olympic glory. My penis is Andy Warhol, opening the door for future artistic weirdos.
"Sometimes my penis is sad. It wonders why there is so much cruelty in this world. It wonders why people think it wants to hurt them.
"What would my penis wear, you ask? A top hat. A monocle. It would carry a cane. My penis shares its fashion sense with Mr. Peanut. My penis would definitely have a beard, but it would probably be a little better maintained than mine. At night, my penis would wear a silk robe with dragons on the back.
"What would my penis say? My penis would sound like Michael McDonald: a velvety smooth voice that refuses to be defined as high or deep. My penis would sound sincere when it needed to, its voice cracking at particularly emotional points. You can always tell from my penis' voice if it's smiling. My penis would enjoy discussing the finer points of the English language, particularly different forms of conditional statements, especially when it has been drinking.
"My penis isn't afraid of the intimacy conveyed by eye-contact. My penis isn't materialistic; it shuns status symbols like rings and necklaces. My penis is grounded like that.
"My penis prefers natural lighting and always uses energy saving bulbs. My penis thinks a perfect evening would be sitting at home, reading some Herman Hesse and sipping Shiraz.
"My penis is Martin Luther King Jr., telling Washington that it has a dream. My penis is a cliff-diver, throwing caution to the wind, risking life and limb for a thrill and a new definition of gracefulness. My penis is Michael Johnson racing a giraffe, settling once and for all which species is king of the track."
Wow.
That was pretty powerful. I would like to welcome all of you out there to send me your penis monologues, which I will compile into a script for the stage. I will then perform it, with proceeds going to (you guessed it) women's shelters. I would give the money to men's shelters, but that somehow seems less admirable, being as men's shelters tend to cater to the men who sent the women to the women's shelters.
*Originally posted February 19,2008*
By Dan Friesen
Feb. 19, 2008
So, I went to see the Vagina Monologues over the weekend. I have to make one thing explicitly clear right from the beginning: I am all for ending violence against women. I'm also all for ending violence against men. And animals. All in all, I'm not a big fan of violence.
Two things really stood out to me during the show. First, Alicia Smith Jr., our local sex columnist extraordinaire was conspicuous in her absence in the cast. What better way to solidify your sex advice cred than to scream about your vagina on stage? Second, and maybe I'm being a little naive here, there was no time given to the male perspective.
Perhaps the Vagina Monologues isn't exactly the place for that, but I think something must be done. In the name of equality, in the name of giving a voice to the sensitive, non-violent man who loves his penis, I am proud to announce that I am going to be starting a little production of my own: The Penis Monologues. Here is an excerpt from one of the monologues, entitled "Ode To A Beautiful Phallus."
"My penis. My penis is a Native American warrior, hunting bison on the grassy savannah. My penis is a little boy, collecting shells at the seashore, eyes glowing in pure curiosity. My penis is a diving board bouncing wildly after launching Greg Louganis to Olympic glory. My penis is Andy Warhol, opening the door for future artistic weirdos.
"Sometimes my penis is sad. It wonders why there is so much cruelty in this world. It wonders why people think it wants to hurt them.
"What would my penis wear, you ask? A top hat. A monocle. It would carry a cane. My penis shares its fashion sense with Mr. Peanut. My penis would definitely have a beard, but it would probably be a little better maintained than mine. At night, my penis would wear a silk robe with dragons on the back.
"What would my penis say? My penis would sound like Michael McDonald: a velvety smooth voice that refuses to be defined as high or deep. My penis would sound sincere when it needed to, its voice cracking at particularly emotional points. You can always tell from my penis' voice if it's smiling. My penis would enjoy discussing the finer points of the English language, particularly different forms of conditional statements, especially when it has been drinking.
"My penis isn't afraid of the intimacy conveyed by eye-contact. My penis isn't materialistic; it shuns status symbols like rings and necklaces. My penis is grounded like that.
"My penis prefers natural lighting and always uses energy saving bulbs. My penis thinks a perfect evening would be sitting at home, reading some Herman Hesse and sipping Shiraz.
"My penis is Martin Luther King Jr., telling Washington that it has a dream. My penis is a cliff-diver, throwing caution to the wind, risking life and limb for a thrill and a new definition of gracefulness. My penis is Michael Johnson racing a giraffe, settling once and for all which species is king of the track."
Wow.
That was pretty powerful. I would like to welcome all of you out there to send me your penis monologues, which I will compile into a script for the stage. I will then perform it, with proceeds going to (you guessed it) women's shelters. I would give the money to men's shelters, but that somehow seems less admirable, being as men's shelters tend to cater to the men who sent the women to the women's shelters.
*Originally posted February 19,2008*
Today’s topic is brought to you by the Letter M (for Melinda)
So I've been watching a lot of Friends lately ( I got two new seasons for Christmas, yay!).
Let's discuss the irony of this: I'm sitting on my couch, alone (usually), watching a show about six friends who are always with each other. Hmmmm.
Dear LeeAnn, Maybe you should get real friends instead of tv friends???
Jokes,jokes (kind of), but seriously who doesn't like Friends? The truth is lots of people. Another truth? I dont like those people. If you dont like Friends, then I can't be your friend. So there.
What's not to like? A tight knit group of twenty somethings ( face it people, OUR AGE), who live in awesome apartments in new york city, rarely work, evidently get paid loads of money, drink and hook up a lot, and hang out in a coffee shop!!!!! COME ON! I want that life! Starbucks can suck it, I want to go to Central Perk.
Real friends can't always hang out. They have jobs and responsibility, relationships and family's. Sometimes real friends screw you over, or you have arguments and don't talk for awhile. Sometimes real friends live far away. But my FRIEND friends? They're always there. ALWAYS.
and now we've reached the point where I feel like a total loser and need to go talk to a real person.
Peace,Love, and Friends,
Layla
*Originally posted on February 21, 2008*
Let's discuss the irony of this: I'm sitting on my couch, alone (usually), watching a show about six friends who are always with each other. Hmmmm.
Dear LeeAnn, Maybe you should get real friends instead of tv friends???
Jokes,jokes (kind of), but seriously who doesn't like Friends? The truth is lots of people. Another truth? I dont like those people. If you dont like Friends, then I can't be your friend. So there.
What's not to like? A tight knit group of twenty somethings ( face it people, OUR AGE), who live in awesome apartments in new york city, rarely work, evidently get paid loads of money, drink and hook up a lot, and hang out in a coffee shop!!!!! COME ON! I want that life! Starbucks can suck it, I want to go to Central Perk.
Real friends can't always hang out. They have jobs and responsibility, relationships and family's. Sometimes real friends screw you over, or you have arguments and don't talk for awhile. Sometimes real friends live far away. But my FRIEND friends? They're always there. ALWAYS.
and now we've reached the point where I feel like a total loser and need to go talk to a real person.
Peace,Love, and Friends,
Layla
*Originally posted on February 21, 2008*
New Blog!
Yaaaaaaay!
I finally have my blog all set up. For those of you who have been reading my MySpace blog, some of the posts on here will ook familiar ( i may pick some of my favorites from the past few months just to get this blog going). New posts I will do on here and Myspace for a little while and will eventually transition to doing all non-personal blogs on here.
I hope you all enjoy. Feel free to leave comments anytime on anything. Ooh and tell your friends!!!!
Peace and Love-
LeeAnn
I finally have my blog all set up. For those of you who have been reading my MySpace blog, some of the posts on here will ook familiar ( i may pick some of my favorites from the past few months just to get this blog going). New posts I will do on here and Myspace for a little while and will eventually transition to doing all non-personal blogs on here.
I hope you all enjoy. Feel free to leave comments anytime on anything. Ooh and tell your friends!!!!
Peace and Love-
LeeAnn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
