Must. Stop. Now.

System. Shutting. Down. 

OK, no seriously, I can't handle this shit.

Crafts and Such

I consider myself to be a relatively crafty person. I like to crochet baby blankets and scarves. I like to paint [although not well] and I have recently taken up sewing and just finished my first dress. On second thought, I'm not sure this makes me crafty as much as it just makes me an old lady.

In order to further my craftiness, I recently signed up for Martha Stewarts "Craft of the Day" email and I gotta say, the crafts are kind of doodoo. Martha is reaaaallly needing to step up her craft game. Recipes? She wins. Crafts? Meh.

For example, I received the below in an email this morning.

May 27 WEDNESDAY Tin Containers When the garden is especially exuberant, it seems you can never have enough vases. Make a matching set of vessels by painting metal cans in muted hues.

 Really, Martha? Tin containers? That's a bit of a stretch, dont you think? On the other hand, it seems like a craft that I can complete without fail, so..........count me in!

Dear Key Lime Pie

If you could not be so delicious it would be better for my ass.

ps- whoever brought it into my office is going to DIE

Dear Beyonce....

No. Stop. Don't. Please Lawd. Don't ever wear those pants again.

Dear Heidi Klum...

If you could not be so hot while pregnant, that would be best for all of us. Thanks.

Dear Justin Timberlake...

If you could not put tattoos on your leg, that would be better for all of us. Thanks.

Cool Beans

I thought this video was cool and wanted to share [Thanks Romero]. What a creative idea! People [ahmm, beyonce, ahmmm] need to put their thinking caps on a little more often and do more than just dance in front of the camera [ahmmm, beyonce, ahmmmm].

Boom Boom Pow

Does anyone else find it funny that in the song "Boom Boom Pow" Fergie says "I'm so 2008, you're so 2000 and late" but the song wasn't released until 2009? That essentially makes her late so..........

irony?

American I DOnt Like adam lambert (see what I did there?)

I haven't really blogged about American Idol since Ricky Braddy was kicked off [mistake producers....that's right, I'm onto you], but I happened to see the end of last nights FINAL PERFORMANCE episode, and I felt compelled to talk about it.

You see, all of America thinks that Adam Lambert will win tonight, and they are probably right. But the only reason he will win is because the producers and judges have spoon fed him to everyone and, just like we do, we've eaten it up without a second thought. Yes, Adam is different. Yes, Adam is edgy. Yes, it would be very progressive of America to crown their first "Gay Idol". But as we are constantly being told by Simon, this is a talent competition, not a forum to show the rest of the world that America is in fact on board with gay issues. And when you bring it down to that, Chris Allen is a more talented singer than Adam Lambert. Period. 

Now, now, I know this will upset some. I'm not saying that Adam doesn't deserve a record deal, or that Adam couldn't make great music. I'm judgingg strictly on vocals here. As far as entertainment goes, oh yes, Adam is probably a far better entertainer, but Chris has the vocals down. I rarely go to a concert because the person will be dressed in a crazily fashion forward and be wearing eyeliner an do crazy fun things on the stage. I go to shows [or buy cds] because the music is good.

That being said, the "original" song that the guys were given to sing last night was shit. Simply laughable, and it just so happens that the song was written by AI's own Kara Dioguardi [who happens to be an amazing songwriter, just kind of missed the mark on this one]. The guys did the best with what they had, and they were both great, but I just felt that Chris pulled it out a little better than Adam [which is funny, because the judges said the opposite. It's because they know what the producers know, and that is that Adam will win no matter how America votes]. Granted, I did not see their other performances, only the original song. 

I tried finding video of the performances to post, but I had a hard time finding it. Evidently they dont want us evaluating it too much ;). If you saw the show, tell me, who did you think did the best, who do you WANT to win, and who do you think WILL win?

Southern Hospitality

I have this question that lingers in my mind and every now and again it pops up and I can't find an answer for it- whatever happened to the Southern Gentleman? It's not that the good manners are necessarily gone, or the respect for women is necessarily gone [is it?], but the overall idea seems to be diminishing. Let me explain...

I have gorgeous friends. Beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because they are my friends, they are all just truly good looking [why i hang out with them I have no idea- it fully explains why I dont go on dates! ;)]. But almost none of them have boyfriends and rarely to never get asked out. What gives? It's not that they don't ever get any attention from guys when we go out, but it's usually a cheesy line or occasionally a drink bought and even more rarely some light conversation, but never ever asked out on a date. We are talking about classy, well put together, gorgeous ladies. The only men who have the balls to do any of the aforementioned things are usually either 1) Too old and too scummy or 2) Hammered out of their minds. 

When did the art of a guy asking a girl out become extinct? We are in a day and age where a certain "equality" exists between men and women [except in work place salaries- thats a whole other post] and while this is a great thing, it doesn't mean the men have to stop being men! There ARE girls in the world who are not afraid to ask guys out, not afraid to make the first move, not afraid to initiate a DTR and that is FABULOUS, but the rest of us still like a little tradition! And just a little tip, if a girl is going to ask you out, she'll do it- don't sit around waiting for her to make the move. If you want to take her out, just ask her! You are not allowed to be afraid of rejection- that's our job. God gave you a pair of balls for a reason so use them! And here's an extra tip: Don't write silly pick up lines on sugar packets [ex: "If you were a booger I'd pick you"]. I guarantee you it won't work.

If you're out at a bar, buying a drink is a good first step, and casual conversation is a good second. Be casual. Don't be pushy. Overly pushy guys at bars get kind of creepy because it gives off the appearance that you just want to take us home for the night, and we are NOT that kind of girl. But don't be afraid. We are all eagerly awaiting the return of the Southern Gentleman.

New Mandy Music

What do you think?

*UPDATE* 

Here is the FULL album

Mandy Moore: Amanda Leigh

________________________________________________________________________

Amanda Leigh

Oh My Glee!

I realized something about myself last night that I have not acknowledged in a very long time. I am [sometimes] kind of a nerd. I came to this realization when I found myself smiling throughout the entire episode of Glee. If you were in a Glee Club or A Cappella choir in high school or college, this show is for YOU. Granted, I was in neither, but I was in the band and as far as nerd equivalents go, it's about the same [I must insert though that I was NOT a band dork. Swear it.].

I'm not sure why I enjoyed this show so much, but I think it had something to do with the fact that it was slightly cheesy, but in a very clever way. It's like High School Musical for grownups [or kind of grown ups]. It was funny and completely nerdtastic because of the musical additions. It made me happy, but also sad because the series doesn't actually start until Fall. I couldn't find an actual clip besides the trailer [which I posted awhile back], but the full arrangement of Don't Stop Believin' is below. Enjoy!

Old School. Do It.

Trashy TV: Monday- Friday, THE FINALE EDITION

Recaps, recaps, recaps! I am so behind on my recaps so I will try to swiftly get through all the finale editions that I have missed, starting from last weeks 2 hour finale of Lost. I will warn you in advance that there will be spoilers [I like to tell it how it is], so don't read if you haven't seen the finale yet! 

Ready? Let's go!

The show begins with Kate, Sawyer and Juliette on the submarine, eventually deciding that they want to somehow bust out of this boat and go back to the island to stop Jack from killing everyone.

Jack is with Sayid- Sayid gets shot! But don't worry, Hurley and Jin and that Asian guy blaze through the Dharma camp in the VW van and swoop them up and off to safety. Until....

Juliette, Sawyer, and Kate [the triangle of awkwardness] are standing in the middle of the road. Oh no guys, what do we do? We are in a big, motorized vehicle that only weighs a couple tons and they are standing in the road! There's no way we'll get around them! Guess we have to give up.

[In a short rewind, when the triangle of awkwardness washed up on shore, they ran into Rose and Bernard who are still alive and still irrelevant to the show.]

Meanwhile, in another time period, Locke is leading the survivors of the second plane crash [including Ben and Sun] and Guyliner Richard to Jacbos to kill him! But why? We can't figure it out. There have been Jacob flashbacks throughout the show and he has been involved in everyones life and has been very kind to all of them. But, Locke knows best and we must trust that he knows what he's doing and that killing Jacob would be the right thing to do. Ben trusts him, why shouldn't we?

Turns out, Jacob lives in the foot of the statue [ what DOES lie in the shadow of the statue?] and he probably ISN'T bad after all, but Ben is upset that he was ignored and so he stabs him [STAB! STAB! STAB!] and pushes him into the fire and THEN we find out that Locke is actually still dead and that someone or something [SMOKE MONSTER??] is in his body and convincing people to do bad things!!!!

Meanwhile, 30 years earlier, Jack drops a hydrogen bomb in a hole in the hopes of putting them back in the future and having Oceanic flight 815 never have happened, but the bomb doesn't go off, but the machine malfunctions, and Juliette falls in the hole and is going to die! And Sawyer is oh so sad [but now he can fight over Kate with Jack again.....goodie]. But, TWIST, Juliette is at the bottom of the hole and is not dead yet, so she hits the bomb with a rock [HIT,HIT,HIT!] until FLASH.....................the screen fades to WHITE. Oh dang. It was a good episode. I am so sad that next season is the last and even SADDER that we must wait til January to see it. Do you think we can figure out how to time travel so we can see Season 6 before 2010?

Izzie and George probably both die. It's very sad. Oh and Paris from Gilmore Girls had cancer and died too. And Bailey is getting divorced. And Arizona is so frakking ANNOYING. Meredith and Derek think they got married on a post it, but little do they know that won't hold up in court OR in a divorce. 

Snoozefest!!!! Boooooring!!!! Waste of Space!!!

Ok, well it wasn't THAT bad. But I didn't like the ending [clearly]. So, Mike and Katherine are going to Vegas to get married. Zzzzzzzzzz. Remember when Katherine was all uppity and in everyone's business and way too good to get married in Vegas? I liked that Katherine a lot better. Anyway, so they are off to Vegas and Creepy Dave is taking Susan and MJ on a fishing trip, but little do they know that he plans to kill them! Dun dun duuuuuuun.

Carlos and whatsherface take in his teenager niece who is a paid escort for older men [with no funny business!]. I dont judge her [ahmmm, Gabby]. In fact, where do I sign up?

Lynette Scavo thinks her cancer is back- oh wait, she just pregnant with twins. No big deal. Do we think these two bebes can accomplish what the other four couldn't.......the maturing of Tom? Oh cliffhangers....

Meanwhile, at the airport, Mike discovers a video of Dave's confession. Now ain't that just like a crazy person? You do not tape your confession and give it away before the crime has actually happened. Amateur. So Mike rushes to save Susan and Mj, and Susan learns of Daves plan to pull their car out in the road right in front of Mike so that he crashes into them right where Mike and Susan crashed into his precious wife and daughter 5 years earlier. 

But then, for reasons I still don't understand, Dave lets Susan out and ties her to a stop sign [?]. And then lets MJ out too. And so Mike only crashes into him. And Mike isn't hurt. At all. But Dave is put in a mental institution. Um, Dave, I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count as revenge.

No cliffhangers here- in fact, it all wrapped up just a little too nicely for my tastes.

Oh how things were really looking up for Gossip Girl. These last few episodes have been relatively entertaining to me but last night just kind of missed the mark. 

The kids are graduating, yay! There's going to be a new queen bee, yay! Serena was too good to wear her cap so she just tied her tassle in her hair, yay! Gossip Girl sent a text to everyone saying mean things about all of the graduates..................booooooooo. 

Back at the Van Der Woodsons, there is a lavish after graduation get together for all of the graduates and their families [ I mean, really, where does Lily get all that money?? Sure, her heritage is lots of mulah, but we were led to believe a couple of weeks ago that her family cut her off years ago and as far as I can tell she certainly doesn't have a job. I guess if I'd been married 4 times to rich men and gotten awesome divorce settlements and alimony, I'd be pretty dang rich too]. Anywho, Serena, Nate, Blair and Chuck decide that Gossip Girl must be stopped and that it must be someone who is their age and goes to their school, so Serena has the brilliant plan that she will text a tip to Gossip Girl and whoevers phone goes off is the culprit. Well, TWIST, Jonathon, Serena's brother Eriks boyfriend [still with me] is Gossip Girl! Well, he was until the commercial break was over, and then we found out that he was just bored and hacked into GG's shizz and now gets all her messages. Um, here's a tip Jonathon, why don't you delete the messages so she can stop reeking havack on all of your friends.

All of this of course pisses Gossip Girl off [how does she know???] and later that night at Nate's party she sends out all of the secrets that she had [including that Blair slept with Chucks uncle Jack!]. Blair and Chuck were "this close" [you can't see me but my fingers are very close together right now] to making babies until this Uncle Jack bomb dropped and then Chuck didn't love her anymore. But then at the end of the episode, he does! Hip, hip, hooray! This better last for awhile, because that story line is getting old and haggard.

Serena goes off to Europe[?] for a much needed vacation and finds out that Christian has found her dad in Fiji [who IS that Christian guy anyway??].

Georgina calls Dan and tells him that all of his money is back in his account and then requests to be Blairs roommate at college in the fall. I'm glad she's back and that she's a bitch again. She really revs the show up, and it.is.needed.

Nate quits his internship and decides to go across Europe with Vanessa afterall. They agree that if they get drunk enough that they will hook up.

Lily and rufus get back together and Rufus gets her an embarassingly inadequate engagement ring. Little J is next years Queen Bee. She has outlawed headbands. But what about ballet flats? CLIFFHANGER!!!

Ugh! I'm soooo over it. Next week is Lauren's last episode, so it looks like my Monday nights are freeing up. Anybody want to take me out to dinner? No? Moving on....

Lauren fires Stephanie, Stephanie cries at the office, cries to Heidi, cries to Audrina about a boy she likes but doesn't know having a live in girlfriend, cry, cry, cry. You know its a sad episode when Spencer is the most mature Pratt.

Heidi's real dad comes into town and I'm pretty sure he should be on the show every single week. Cowboy Bill is what we'll call him, and he'll ride through LA with his Colt 45 ablazin.....and all will be well. Spencer asks Cowboy Bill for Heidi's hand in marriage [i mean, dont you think it's a little late for that? you got her drunk and tricked her into a mexican marriage and then tried to trick her into getting married at the courthouse......NOW is when you choose to ask her dads permission??] In a surprising TWIST, Cowboy Bill does not shoot Spencers fact off, but instead, gives him his blessing. Spencer then proposes to Heidi on the Ferris Wheel on the Santa Monica pier [here's hoping this ring is actually real]. 

Lauren fired Stephanie. Oh, I already said that? That's pretty much all that happened with her. 

That's pretty much all that happened in general. We are left knowing only that next week is Laurens last episode and that is something that should make us all very, very sad. Or happy. Or something. But, the news isn't all bad- now we can read her book! Yaaaaaaaay.

I hope you all enjoyed this finale edition of Trashy TV: Monday- Friday. Whatever will I write about this summer?

Good News!

It turns out that all the drinking you've been doing isn't bad for your liver after all! Well, as long as you're drinking coffee to cure your hangover, you're alllll good.

The hell you say?

Well, scientists are now saying this: 

Coffee seems to protect the liver against cirrhosis, especially that caused by alcoholism. It's not clear, either for cancer or cirrhosis, whether it's coffee or caffeine that may be protective.

That is a direct quote from Sciene on the matter. 

So, if you're drinking a big Coke to cure that hangover, you might still be in the clear- but you've really only got a 50/50 chance. Is that a risk you're really willing to take?

Phoenix Music Monday

Lisztomania - Phoenix

1901 - Phoenix

If She Can Do It, I Can Too.....Right?

We all know of my slight obsession with The Hills and since I will refuse to watch it after Lauren leaves, I suppose its fair to say that I have a slight obsession with her as well- but not in a creepy way.

Anywho, turns out that in her spare time, when she doesn't have video cameras following her around, she's been writing a book for young adults. Well! I suppose that should give hope to any and all of us who have ever had aspirations of writing- if she can do it, surely we can as well right?

In case you were wondering, her book happens to be about a young girl who moves to L.A. and is a part of a reality show. Now wait. Wait just a minute. I think this book has already been written, no? Or maybe it was a movie......?

Anyway, they say its good to write what you know. I hope for her sake [and my future author sake] that the book is sucessful. Enjoy an excerpt below courtesy of Teen Vogue and tell me your thoughts.

Jane checked her watch as she rushed out of the elevator, into the world of soft lighting and trickling waterfalls. She had an excuse for being late this time, though. She'd spent most of the morning running errands for Fiona. Plus, the L.A. Candy crew was following her around for the rest of the day. They had intercepted her in the parking lot, miked her, and filmed her getting out of her car and walking to the lobby of the building. Five times. Now they were setting up in the front waiting area of Fiona Chen Events, filming her "arriving for work."

"Hi, Naomi!" Jane said, waving to the receptionist. She tried to speak at the usual accepted low decibel, but she knew that would only guarantee her a text message from Dana telling her to say it again, a little louder.

Naomi adjusted her silver headset and peered out at Jane from behind a huge bouquet of white tulips. She glanced self-consciously at the two camera guys zooming in on her. "Hi, Jane. Fiona wants to see you in her office right away," she whispered.

Jane felt her blood freeze. Fiona never called Jane into her office unless she was in trouble. It was always something like, "Jane, the last time I checked, ivory and eggshell weren't the same color," or "Jane, is this message from Jeffrey with a J or Geoffrey with a G?" What had she done this time? Either way, she preferred that her humiliating lectures take place in private—just her and Fiona behind closed doors. Guess not today. She frowned at the cameras, which were supposed to be capturing "an average workday." Well, now, the L.A. Candy viewers are going to see my average butt getting yelled at, Jane thought.

She sighed and started down the hall toward Fiona's office.

"Wait! Jane!" A man wearing an earpiece rushed up to her. "Hey, I'm Matt. I'm directing today's shoot."

What did he mean, directing? She thought they were just following her around. What needed to be directed?

"Hey. Sorry, Naomi said Fiona wants to talk to me."

"Yeah, we know. We just need a few minutes to set up," Matt explained, moving to the side as several crew members carrying cameras and other equipment passed them. "Her office looks beautiful, but it's all white. Makes it hard to shoot. They spent two hours lighting it this morning," Matt went on.

"What's wrong with white?" Jane asked.

"It just doesn't look great on camera. Color looks way better."

Jane looked down at the summery white lace dress she was wearing. Crap, she thought.

"Okay, you can go in now," Matt instructed Jane as he stepped away from the door.

Jane knocked lightly before going inside. Fiona looked up from her computer screen. "Good morning, Jane! Please come in and sit down." She sounded more pleasant than usual. She must enjoy humiliating people, Jane thought.

As she stepped into Fiona's office, Jane looked around. Two metal stands securing large lights flanked Fiona's desk. The intensity of the lights was muted by wide sheets of what looked like tracing paper wrapped around the fixtures and held in place by wooden clothespins. The same kind of paper had been taped over one of the tall windows. The result was an overall softening of the lighting in the room.

Jane sat down in one of the chairs. Fiona clasped her hands and leaned forward. "So. Jane. You're probably wondering why I called you in here today."

Jane nodded, her eyes wide.

"I realize you've been here at Fiona Chen Events for only a short time," Fiona said. "But during that short time, you've—"

—managed to screw up just about everything I've asked you to do, Jane finished silently.

"—handled the pressure very well. I think it's time for you to move up to the next step. To that end, I would like to offer you a promotion. How would you like to be my full-time assistant?"

Jane's jaw dropped. Was she serious? Fiona was offering her ... a promotion?

"Of course, it will be strictly on a trial basis," Fiona went on. "Let's say three months. During those three months, you will work harder than you have ever worked before. At the same time, you will have opportunities that you have never had before. And if you succeed, your future as an event planner in this town will be virtually guaranteed."

Fiona leaned back in her seat and stared at Jane, waiting for her answer. Suddenly, Jane noticed that Fiona was wearing makeup. When had the boss lady started wearing makeup?

"Well, Jane?" Fiona prompted her.

The camera zoomed in on Jane. She took a deep breath. Was she ready for this? A real job was better than an internship because it meant she would get paid. It also meant that she would get more responsibilities, more respect ... more everything.

"Yes!" Jane said, nodding. "I'd love to. Thank you so much!"

Fiona smiled. It was not her usual chilly, arctic, I-am-the-boss-lady-and-you-are-my-slave smile, but a cordial, friendly smile. It didn't look entirely natural on her. "Fabulous! Let me show you where you'll be sitting."

Jane opened the bottom drawer of her new desk and tucked her bag inside. She opened the two others, too—each drawer had a different vintage crystal knob—and started planning what would go where. The top drawer would be for pencils, pens, and stationery. The middle drawer would be for energy bars, breath mints, makeup, tampons, and other personal stuff.

She still couldn't believe it. She had walked into Fiona's office expecting to get reprimanded. Instead, she had gotten promoted. In her computer monitor, she saw the reflection of one of the camera operators changing angles behind her. She felt bad for him. He was edged up into the corner and had no space to move. "Roomy back there?" Jane teased. The guy shrugged and laughed a little.

"Excuse me."

Jane spun around. Standing in the doorway was a guy with short, cropped blond hair and blue eyes. He was carrying a big, sleek leather portfolio.

"Hi," Jane said, a little startled.

"Hey, there," the guy said. "I'm looking for Fiona Chen, but I think I got lost. I have an appointment to show her my portfolio."

"Across the hall," Jane said, pointing. "She actually has someone in there ... you may want to wait a minute."

"I'm sorry. The girl at the front told me to come straight back."

"Oh, no worries. She just pulled someone in there for a sec. Some mix-up with peonies. He'll be out in a minute ... a little less of a man."

The guy laughed. "I'm Paolo."

"You a model?" Jane asked, pointing at the portfolio in his hand.

Paolo laughed again. "No, no. I'm a photographer."

"Oh!"

Paolo smiled at her. He had the cutest smile. "Hey, this may be a little forward, but ... could I call you sometime? Maybe we could go out for coffee or something? I just moved here from San Francisco, and I don't know too many people in town."

Jane was taken aback by his boldness. They had met all of 60 seconds ago. Still, he did kinda look like a young Brad Pitt. Besides, when was the last time she'd been on a date? Braden didn't count. She had met him for drinks again at Cabo Cantina over the weekend, to celebrate her being on the show and moving in to a new apartment. It had been his idea. But that wasn't a date. It never was with him. "Sure," she said.

"Great!"

Jane blinked. Oh, yeah. The cameras were still rolling. Paolo was being filmed. But he didn't seem fazed by it. Did that mean he had walked into her office knowing there would be cameras? Had Dana talked to him already and gotten him to sign the release papers? Had she told him to ask her out? Or did he just happen to be there for a meeting, like he said?

Just then, Fiona's door opened and Damien, an intern, shuffled out and shamefully dropped his head.

"I'll grab your number on the way out," Paolo said before he disappeared into Fiona's office.

"Okay."

Despite just meeting him, Jane couldn't help but be excited. She looked past the camera in the hallway and spotted Dana. Jane grinned and mouthed, "He's so cute!" Dana nodded in agreement and gave her a thumbs-up. Jane noticed a release form in Dana's hand. Did that mean Paolo had been released? Did that mean it had been a setup? Jane smiled to herself as she realized she didn't care. She was already thinking about what to wear on what might turn out to be her very first on-camera date .... her first date, period, since Caleb. Okay, so Paolo wasn't Braden. So what? It was nice to have a guy interested in her. It had been a long time. Too long.

From L.A. Candy (HarperCollins), available June 16 wherever books are sold.

Just A Little More

I needed to post more Ingrid. And, I think she would like the graphics. Trust me, I know, I follow her on Twitter. We're practically best buds. ;)

Cant Help Falling In Love - Ingrid Michaelson

You and I - Ingrid Michaelson

Let Go - Ingrid Michaelson

a birds song - Ingrid Michaelson