God bless Bravo and Andy Cohen because they never, ever let me down. Last night they premiered a new show, Most Eligible Dallas and it is phe-nom-inal! Phenominal! The sheer classy trashiness of this show is brilliant.
The gist is this: there are 5 close friends who live in Dallas who are all single [6 if you count the date of one of the dudes who I think is going to be a big part of the season, but I can't really tell.]
Glenn- an ambiguously aged bachelor who is a kicker and punter in the NFL [currently playing for the Oakland Raiders, but I believe he named around 7 teams last night that he has played for. That doesn't give me much confidence in his kicking and punting skills, despite the fact that he was once employed by my beloved Titans]. Glenn is the super hotty who might just be too into the way he looks. Six packs are good, manorexic is not. Glenn is single and ready to mingle and made it clear in last nights episode that he is NOT looking for a relationship, but overall he seems like a pretty nice dude. I predict some sort of hookup with Courtney this season [more on her later].
Matt- an ambiguously rich playboy who did not reveal a career of any kind on last nights premiere episode, but his Bravo bio says that he played football for the University of Texas, was drafted into the NFL until an injury ruined those plans [isn't that what they all say?], and currently works for his family's company. Google also reveals that Matt dated Audrina Patridge last year. Innnnnnntersting. The plot thickens. All I saw last night was a dude driving around in a fancy car, hitting on lots of women, thinking very highly of himself and not caring a lot about other peoples feelings. At the end of last nights episode, he introduced his 23 year old "friend" Neill, who is an aspiring singer [barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf]. I predict a three way catfight with Matt, Neill and Matt's best gal pal Courtney.
Tara- also ambiguously aged [she looks older than the others?] uber rich dog rescuer who has been engaged 4 times. She lives in one of the most prestigious neighborhoods in Dallas and is neighbors to George W. Bush and.....her parents. Yawn. She seems to be besties with the one gay fella on the show, Drew, as well as Courtney. She seems like she could get catty and I sure hope she does cause she kind of bored me last night.
Courtney- a 29 year old who is looking for love in all the wrong places, mostly because she is looking to her best friend Matt who ain't a bit interested in her. She wants a husband and a baby but instead is reduced to going to clubs, judging Matt's friends on their "cheap dress and plastic heels" [to her credit, those girls were trash], and managing a sunglasses store. Oh, my mistake, a MILLION DOLLAR PROFIT PER YEAR sunglasses store. I'm sure that makes a difference. Give Courtney ANY face and she could put sunglasses on it. Er, is that a skill? I'm pretty sure I could do that.....I predict her having an aha! moment about her feelings for Matt, being rejected, and taking too many pain pill Jessie Spano style this season.
Drew- the uber rich, token gay guy. Drew is one of the few who actually revealed where his dolla bills come from- his parents! His family evidently owns many high end car dealerships in Dallas which makes his last name "recognizable". Drew also used to weigh over 400 pounds, and had gastric bypass and a slew of other operations to make him look like what he does today. I have to say.......you can tell. He totally has the attitude of a gay person who used to be fat! Now, I love the gays, I think everyone knows that, but Queens are another story, and Drew ain't nothin but a Queen in sheeps clothing. He tries to act like he's not a stereotypical gay male. Newsflash: he's worse! He's a stereotypical gay male who has a fat complex and is in denial about being a stereotypical gay male. Sigh. Shit is going to get interesting with him fo sho!
I hope that you will all share in my fascination of Most Eligible Dallas. So far it has done nothing to dissuade me from possibly moving to the Big D, rather, it has only made my curiosity grow. Most Eligible Dallas is on Monday nights on Bravo, right after The Millionaire Matchmaker [oh how I wish this post was sponsored....].
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