Where Have All the Pop Stars Gone?

Remember when all of our country's pop stars were the envy of every girl aged 11-35? They had the best hair! The best clothes! The best bodies! The best boys!

Can anyone tell me what happened to them? I mean, sure, popstars still exist and new ones are releasing catchy ass songs on a daily basis. But what about our classic stars? The Christinas? The Mariahs? The Britneys?

Welp, this is what happened to Christina:

[ oh boy- when did she become so unattractive?]

This is our dear Britney:

[oh boy]

and here's Mimi:

[listen, i know she's pregnant and that it's Christmas time, but is that really an excuse to wear the drapes and wrap a bow around her belly?? Never the less, she's still the most fabulous of them all.]

The moral of the story is that I simply want some enviable pop stars to re-emerge. No one wearing Kermit the Frog coats. No 13 year old boys with lesbian hair cuts. Legit pop stars. This is my grown up Christmas wish.